My best friend and I have been in each other's lives since we were infants. Our mothers met at a Bible study for moms with new babies. There's a picture of Claire and I, only about a year old, sitting side by side amidst all the other babies whose mothers attended the study. As we grew up, we stayed side by side. But when we were 11, my family moved 800 miles away, and our friendship became “long distance.”
A long-distance friendship isn't easy. It's a lot of "sorry I forgot to reply!" and "oh you're probably already asleep!" It can be messy because it's built on purely digital communication which means there is little face-to-face time together. Even when we do get to actually see one another, it’s still over a digital medium like FaceTime, which is often interrupted by a lagging connection or grainy picture. Every FaceTime call always includes one (or both) of us sighing and saying “I wish you were here.”
Sometimes I forget details about Claire’s life simply because I don’t see her every day. Which class did she say she has right now? Or wait, is she at work? She tells me about a friend of hers and I have to wrack my brain for which friend it is. I’ve never met her friends, so they’re all just names in my head. I chastise myself when I forget these details. I’m supposed to be her best friend! How can I make that claim when I don’t remember the little things?
Over the past nine years, I’ve realized that the little details aren’t what make our friendship. Yes, I try my hardest to know and remember as much as I can about Claire’s life because I care about her. But it’s okay if I don’t remember her class schedule or every single friend by heart. While I would love to be able to know all those things because we lived near each other, I have to remind myself that I do know the important things.
Words are all you have, so you have to make them count. We could hide behind our screens and let honesty fall by the wayside, but we don’t. The fact we can only write to each other forces me to be honest about everything, because Claire can’t see my face; she can’t know if I’m being truthful. She has to trust me, and I have to trust her, that we’re telling each other the truth. It sounds a little scary at first, but really, it means our friendship is completely genuine.
Without physical closeness, you have to lean on emotional closeness. But this means that if the friendship does survive, you know you have someone who loves you no matter what. Claire hasn’t technically “seen” me at my worst, but she has read my words and heard my voice. When my worst becomes too much, she could easily blame the distance and let the friendship fizzle out, as many separated friendships do. But she doesn’t. Even though there is so much space between us, she keeps sticking around. That kind of loyalty is irreplaceable.
Every day, I wish she was with me. But knowing I've got someone like Claire by my side makes it all worth it.
