Growing up as a Christian I have turned to God in every aspect in my life and have always prayed to him to take away any and all insecurities and anxiety that I have had. I have prayed for so long that I thought that "he should have already taken it all away by now" but the problem I have recently come to realize Is that even though I have prayed and begged for change, I am the one who hasn't been able to fully let go and give every part of myself to him to allow my life to be different, even with having complete faith in him. When I was younger there were certain things that happened to me personally and things that have happened to my loved ones that had set me up for what seemed like a lifetime of self doubt and being overly cautious of everything around me. I have lived with this massive weight on my chest for as long as I can remember and I have always tried to fix everything myself just so others wouldn't know what was really going on with me. Sometimes we act like we have to have it all together and have our lives all figured out but in reality no one ever has it all together or figured out. We are all just a small part in a larger world created for people, like myself, who have faults, who have sins and who may have different struggles and anxiety in life because God is big enough to handle all of it and he just wants us to love him and trust in him that he is the greater hand and the only one that can fully fulfill your heart. I am learning that it is okay to sometimes be a few steps behind than what you thought you were because God will always be there to meet you at the finish line.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6