It is never an easy thing to deal with when a friendship comes to an end. Whether it is one person's fault, both people's fault, or something that just "happened" to put the friendship to end is immaterial. The fact that the friendship no longer exists is what hurts the most.
When you say goodbye, it opens your eyes and makes you realize that a friendship isn't always forever. Even when we want it to be.
Approximately six months ago, I terminated a friendship that had existed for years. Her children grew up with my kids. We knew her husband (who is now her ex-husband), we knew everything about each others' families, and we considered ourselves friends. But at some point and time when the friendship is a one-way street, it has to either change, improve or come to an end.
Our children had grown up together. We hung out socially. We all spent time at each other's houses. She and I had talked on the phone for years. And then I realized at one point she had no interest in making the same attempts as I had. She did not return phone calls many times. She wouldn't respond to text messages. And one day when I was having a very difficult day, the one person who always said, "I'll be there for you no matter what" wasn't.
And that's when I realized that after almost fifteen years of what we'd had, the friendship was over.
Sadly this isn't the first time it's happened.
That friendship was nearly 15 years. A prior friendship had been in existence for almost 30 years. And sadly, it was one of those that was not the decision of either of the two friends. It was due to a decision-making process by the wife of one of the friends. His.
A friendship that had lasted for almost 30 years came to an end over very small circumstances but the bottom line is, she told him what to do. And he did it. And our friendship ended.
He gave up all of his friends in Michigan because she told him to. And there is nobody left in his life except who she allows him to talk to. That's when it's time to say goodbye.
When a friendship isn't a two-way street and one person is making all of the efforts? It's time to say goodbye.
I will always miss the friendships I once had that I no longer have. But I realize in this life, there are too many good people to continue wasting time on the people that aren't good.
If you have lost a friendship, you know the feeling. If you have said goodbye to someone, you know how much it hurts. If you've lost touch with someone that you found out, later on, has died, you get it. You've walked in those shoes. And it's never an easy task to do. You don't know what to do or think from one day to the next. You want to bring them back. You want to rekindle the friendship.
If you haven't tried? It's not too late.
A friendship should last forever. Some do. And unfortunately, some don't. But when it comes to a point that one person is the only one making all of the effort to maintain the friendship and the others aren't even trying?
That's when to say goodbye.
