Alright Wisconsinites, even if you only move a state or two south, you should expect the following:
- People who don't know what your accent is will immediately notice it (AND POINT IT OUT) as soon as you say the words "bag," "flag," "hag," "plague"... or even "keg." And what will make them laugh even harder is when you insist that bag, flag, hag and plague rhyme (because, well, they do.)
- And when you give them the name of your hometown and the towns you grew up visiting, they'll think that you're making the names up. "I grew up in Waukesha, spent my summers in Kenosha and really loved visiting Tomahawk." Yup. No fake news here, folks. (Oh, yeah, they'll find it comical when you use the word "folks.")
- You'll get asked if you like cheese. Like a lot. And if you think your cheese is actually better than theirs; which, clearly, it is.
- But no one will know what a goshdarn cheese curd is. And if they do think they know what it is, they think it's those squeaky things you buy at a gas station. No. Just no.
- And when it comes to winter, people actually have the audacity to believe they know the true definitions of "cold" and "heavy snow"; when, in reality, they're all just being a bunch of whiners. "You should've seen what my bus driver did to get down my road when there was 4 feet of snow on the ground."
- Then they assume that you, being a Wisconsinite and all, have an obligation to love the snow wholeheartedly and unconditionally. Absolutely freaking not. "Just because I'm the only one in this state that seems to know how to drive in the snow, doesn't mean that this is a pleasant experience for me."
- You'll never be able to adequately describe the community that is created in a parking lot drenched in snow during the school/work day to friends as it's actually pretty ludicrous sounding.
- Kwik Trip is, evidently and unfortunately, a Wisconsin thing (with limited exceptions) and no one is quite able to comprehend why that is one of the most disheartening things ever.
- "Supper clubs" as well as "Friday night fish fries" (whether they be at a supper club or your local bar & grill) are a Wisconsin thing too… so there will be no more looking forward to that this weekend. *sad face*
- Oh, and opening day of hunting season is not a life-stopping, take-off-work, pull your kids out of school for the day event… anywhere but Wisconsin; so, like, that's another no-go.
I suppose you could say Wisconsin is like a world of its own… because it kind of is.
