It's taken me a very long time to become okay and accustomed to what my "normal" is.
As an adult, I have everyone I need in my life.
In middle and high school, I was constantly trying to find something to do to get out of the house, or I would want to be with a friend all the time. I was trying to mentally run away from my physical situation because I wasn't sure what to make of it on a day-to-day basis.
I mean, middle and high school are hard for a lot of people. There's so many changes happening to a person and it's so easy to become discouraged or insecure if you aren't considered "cool" to a certain group of people. That was all me.
I tried so hard to fit in and I molded to act the way people were pressuring me to act which made me feel insecure later on. In middle school is when I became labeled as angry, mean, self-entitled, a bully.
In high school, I became the opposite of what I was in middle school. I joined choir, I was quiet, I kept to myself in the hallways and in classrooms, I constantly blocked the noise out everywhere I went. I wanted to be home more. I was finding it harder to be around people my age because of the insecurity I felt with not being like them.
With starting college, I've learned that no matter what you were in past years, no matter what mistakes were made, no matter who left you in the dust, no matter what boy breaks your heart; there's always someone on your side.
As an adult, I've learned very quickly on who is the priority in someone's life. Actions speak louder than words and I've come to the realization that the only relationships that will ever break my heart again will be my family. Family is everything.
When I look back at the middle and high school years, I remember pushing my family away and not opening up to them. I remember secluding myself.
And when I sit in the now, the first people I think of are my parents and older brother. They are the first people I want to talk to and the last people I want to say "I love you" to. They are the ones I worry about on a constant basis, wondering if they made it to work and home safely.
Family is my backbone. They are my heart. They are my best friends (my dogs included).
I'm not saying that friendships are not important to me, because the ones I have made and maintained have become very important in my life and I care very deeply for my friends. But, at the end of the day, the only physical human beings that are continuously there for me always end up being my family.
Although I know my life will take me to places I never imagined and I will meet so many new people, the ones I want to talk to before I go to sleep will always be my family.
