Look who's showing affection now.
I know you've been wondering if I'd mention you. I didn't think I would, period. Not this soon, that's for sure.
I'll start by saying neither of us meant for each other to play even a little bit of a role in each other's lives. Not as meaningful as we did, at least.
But no matter how unsure I was, no matter how many times I wanted to block you and leave everything unsaid, I couldn't help fighting through it just to know you.
The time we spent together never felt like enough. And I can't even speak in past tense because you're still here sometimes. Like when I think of your smile and how every part of me craved and waited anxiously for it to make an appearance, especially if it was because of me.
I used to think of it more, back when I thought you'd realize you made a mistake. Back when I thought we'd pick up where we left off.
I knew when I met you I wanted to show you every side of me. But what caught me by surprise, just like most things about you did, is that every time a layer of mine shed, yours did as well.
There are pieces of me, naked and raw. Physically and emotionally, locked away in your brain that nobody else will ever see. At least not in the way you did.
The purpose you had in my life was slight, in the long run. But regardless, you had a purpose and I want you to know that. I forgive you. I hope you know that me, out of all people, knows we can't control ourselves sometimes. Sometimes, we fuck up. Most of the time, it makes no fucking sense. All of the time, we'll try to figure it out and never will.
I don't think I'm falling in love with you anymore.
I'm sorry for saying I've never felt that way before about anyone, that was a lie.
I'm also sorry for being 8 shots deep when I said it.
That morning, I wanted us to cross paths again. I didn't think for a second you'd ever make me an option. I kinda thought I was your exception, your "just this once" because that's what you were to me.
This morning, I'm not sure we serve a purpose in each others lives. Not yet at least. Or ever for that matter. I don't think we were ready to be what we wanted to be for each other. And because I don't wanna reach out to you personally, I want you to know that I can't wait to see both of our many dreams come true.
I'm thankful for all of the little trips we took, stories and giggles shared, secrets whispered, ideas we cultivated, heart palpitations, and everything in between.
I won't forget.
I also won't cowardly push it away, like you're doing.
I don't blame timing, the universe, karma or any of that bullshit for the way things turned out.
At least on my end, I knew when I met you it wasn't forever. I think at the end of the day we both knew we were going to be the inspiration we needed to keep moving forward. Maybe a little more inspiration than we bargained for.
And maybe a little more forward than we bargained for, too.