The typical idea of domestic violence is bruises, broken and bones and physical violence. It is true that this is a tactic of power and control but, many abusive partners use another tactic-- words. Broken bones can heal and bruises will fade, but words and statements can have lasting effects and take longer to heal.
In working with victims of emotional violence some will state that they would have preferred if their partner had become physical with them. The healing from someone emotionally hurting another can take months if not years.
Emotional abuse can take many forms. As with physical abuse there is a pattern of escalating behavior. if some one went out on a date and the person was verbally assaultive then there most likely wouldn't be a second date. Batterers typically start out as very charming. They open doors, compliment their date on their outfit, pay for everything. They typically move very fast. They tell their partner they love them very early in the relationship (batterers call this the hook) and they want to move in together very soon after their relationship starts.
Emotionally abuse starts out slow. First it might be 'jokingly' calling their partner names such a stupid or dumb. Next the batterer might start calling their partner names in front of mutual friends, or picking fights in public. A batterer might ramp up his abuse by beginning to pick at their partners insecurities. Once the batterer has used these tactics they will begin to continually berate and talk down to their partner. They will begin to treat their partner as if they are less than or sub-human.
Emotional abuse can invade every aspect of a survivors life. They question their worth, they are unable to carry out relationships with friends, and they change who they are to meet the wants and needs of their abusive partner.
Emotional abuse can also hinder their progress to rebuild if they leave their abusive partner. After being told for so long that they are less than human, or incapable of caring for themselves survivors need to rebuild themselves before they can rebuild their lives.
One of the key factors when working with survivors of emotional abuse is to reinforce their strengths and all of the positive things that they do. A broken bone can be set in a cast. A wound to the mind and self can't.
