Have you ever experienced loss? Not just losing a toy when you were younger, but a deep, profound feeling from losing someone? Whether you lost someone to death, or you have just been separated, loss is not something anyone enjoys. And when dealing with a deep loss, sometimes words are just not enough to get through the pain that can come with it.
When I was in high school I got a phone call that changed my life. One of my best friends had died, and nobody saw it coming, or was prepared for it at all. This was the first experience I had with death or loss, and it was something that was mostly bad, but I have been able to draw good from. Don’t get me wrong there, it was not good that my friend passed away, but the lessons that came with his passing have led to good. Now I want to share what I learned with others, so that they may be able to deal with their own losses, or help others deal with theirs.
The first lesson that I have drawn is that words will never be enough. Loss is a tremendously personal experience, and hits everyone just a little differently. It is true that words will help ease the pain, but what really helps is just being listened to. If people had just talked at me and not let me talk myself through what I was feeling, I would have dealt with my loss as well as I did. One of the best things you can do for someone is just listen. If you have experienced something similar to the other person then you can try and relate with them, but just remember that any experience you find yourself in trying to help someone with loss is all about them, not so much about you. Yes, they will need words to encourage them, but listening and other small actions to show love have the greatest impact.
The second good I found in my experiences is realizing the fragile beauty of life. I see more things as important, and treat my close friends and family as if they could be gone tomorrow as well. It gave me such a passion for people. It showed me how fragile but beautiful life is, and that every moment truly is a precious gift. It sounds cliché, but it’s true. It has showed me the waste of energy that worrying is. Whenever I start to get worried about the future, I think back to my experiences and remember that I am able to worry because I am still alive. Some people don’t get the chance to worry.
Lastly, if you are dealing with loss, or you are helping someone deal with loss, you have to remember, or emphasize, that it will get better. The idea is not to forget whomever you, or they, have lost, but to remember the good times had with that person, and that the memories of that person will last forever. It may seem hard to look to the future with hope, but there is happiness on the other end of loss. Nobody can ever replace that person in someone’s heart, but nobody needs to try and replace them. Loss should never be met with trying to forget. In trying to forget there is only focusing on what is bad, not the good that is to come.
So if you are helping someone deal with a loss, remember that one of the best things you can do is listen, and show love. Do not try to help someone forget about who they have lost, but rather help them to remember that there is always a life after losing someone. Always be around to lend a listening ear, and caring words. And if you are dealing with a loss, just remember that nobody can ever replace the person that you have lost, but nobody needs to replace them. Your experiences with them are uniquely yours and never can, or should, be replaced by someone else. Yes, it may hurt now, but with time the pain will fade, and the bitter sting of loss will blossom into the joy of remembrance.
Stay strong, and you’ll see the good on the other side of loss.
