Its a Saturday morning and here i am getting ready. I put on my makeup, get dressed in my new dress and put on some heels. I pick up my sidur and i'm ready to get going. I like the walk on the way to shul. I've always liked it. I enjoy the fresh air i get and i enjoy seeing many other people also walking to synogogue. I enjoy sitting in shul and listening to the prayers. I enjoy seeing my family and friends in shul. I enjoy the bright energy that i feel when i am there.
Why did that have to change?
Everything is different now. I don't enjoy the walk to or from shul. It is not relaxing anymore. The walk is not peaceful because now i have to be on the watch, i need to be alert. I walk fast instead of slow. I'm scared of this 5 minute walk to shul. The atmosphere in shul is different now. Security guards are everywhere you go, i can't walk into the building without passing 5. Some have guns. We got new doors, in case of an emergency. New rules, you cant stay in the hallways. The windows are often covered up. People still talk and laugh. The praying is the same. But its not the same. This is not the same enjoyable place i used to look foward to going to. This place that i love is guarded with fear. Fear that something bad can happen at any moment, which it can. Some people think its too intense and that nothing will happen. No one thought that the tree of life shooting would happen, No one thought the jersey shooting or the Monsey shooting would happen either.
My life is changed. I live in fear. People don't understand it. But the fear is real.
Its a Monday morning, i don't want to get dressed up for school today so I throw on some leggings, slides, and my IDF sweatshirt im so proud to own. Getting ready to leave me house, I hesitate. Thoughts begin rushing into my head. "Should I change? is this a smart sweater to wear? How many people will I see? What are peoples reactions going to be? will I get yelled at? maybe Spat at? Am i ready to deal with the dirty looks? Can I defend myself if needed? I'm scared and nervous to wear this". Those are all the thoughts that rush through my head.
It feels weird you know, having to possibly fear the possibly of being "attacked" due to what i wear. Its crazy to even think that.
I wore the sweater. No one gave me any trouble. I got a few dirty looks thrown at my way. I prayed to god saying thank you that that was all I got.
My peers in school make comments to me. " his nose is big he must be a Jew". " of course your sitting down cause your tired, your a Jew its normal" " you can afford going out a lot, your rich obviously". " your all lawyers and doctors anyways"
I just smile and laugh uncomfortably since i don't know what to say. I don't want to cause a rukkus and I don't want to be the girl to get offended by everything. I don't know what to say.
Why is racism put down, being homophobic put down, and attacking Muslim's put down, but Anti-Semitism is not? Why is no one doing anything to stop Anti-Semitism? Why isn't this a bigger topic in the news today? Why don't people care?
Anti-Semitism is real and present today. It varies from levels, some being obvious Anti-Semitism and some having the anti-semitic statement "hidden". I am tired of being scared. Tired of always being on edge. Tired of the no one recognizing this problem. I am tired of constantly seeing swastikas being drawn all over the world and no one taking action. This is tiring.
Its about time the world stops denying it and people stop defending it.
