I've sat here and wondered endlessly why people go back to the ones who hurt them. How can you cry to me for hours? How can you share with me all the sadness you have built up? How can you sit there and try to put all the pain they have put you through into words and expect me to understand when you choose to go back?
From the outside, it's easy to assume that you, yourself, would never go back. If someone cheats, you take your pride and you leave. If someone breaks you in any way, you pick up the pieces and you move on. You know your worth, and you've heard all the stories of heartbreak; you know better.
On the inside, it's a story that has yet to be understood. Leaving the person you love, by choice or by force, is truly an experience where you do not understand what it is like until you have endured it. And to my worst enemy, I would not wish that kind of pain upon even you.
Thing is, there is a no difference between walking away from the one you love and being forced to walk away. Both take just as much strength and both hurt equally as much. The end result is always the same; you are left heartbroken because you chose to do what is best.
The battle that goes on in your head can last for hours, days and weeks. It doesn't stop. Sleep becomes your escape, and it is a whole new kind of hell when you wake up in the morning and realize that you still need to figure out what to do. Who do you choose, the one you love so much, or yourself, because rarely is there a happy medium.
From the many people I have spoken to, all the friends I have watched go through it, and reflecting on how I have handled it myself, I've learned a few things. When someone you love hurts you, you get to give yourself two weeks. Fourteen days. The first few days are for isolation. You cut off the person that hurt you. You cut all contact as best as you can, no texting, no social media stalking, no indirect posting, no checking in -- absolutely nothing.
Those first few days will give you an insight that you will wish you had never seen. The scenarios that will run through your head are unlikely to ever occur, but will consume you with fear of the worst. You will want to text them, you will want to speak to them, you will want answers that they will never be able to give you. Not because they don't know the answer, but because nothing they say can take back what they have done to you. And the best way to clear the head is to clear it completely. You give yourself the space you need to step back and breathe, but you also give them a chance to step back and reflect on what they have done. Give them a peak into the life they will be living without you in it.
Then the countdown begins. By day five, it will be easier. Your emotions will consume you a little less, and by the end of the week, you will start to realize that you will be okay. I have learned that by the end of two weeks, at that fourteen day mark, if you had at any point in that two week period felt a feeling of relief, you need to walk away. If you at any point in that two week period felt happier than you ever have before, you need to walk away. If at any point in that two week period you finally understood why you need to walk away, then do not let anything stop you.
What we need to understand is that no matter what, it will always hurt. No one wants to picture the one they still have feelings for with someone else. And the nights will still bring back memories that may make you nostalgic, but try to remember the reason you left, and differentiate missing the memory from missing the person.
Understand that the person may make attempts to get you back, but try to not let them blind you. Follow your instinct, follow what you learned, and believe actions, not words.
Also understand that the person may become angry when they see that you are not coming back. And they will throw rumors and lies to try and compensate for the hurt, but believe what you know, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
If at the end of that two week period you can honestly sit there and say that you miss the person who hurt you, then go back. If you miss more than just the way they made you feel, because someone else can do that and more for you. And you are not just missing the things they did for you, because plenty of people can do that as well. But if you genuinely miss the person because of who they are and who you become when you are around them, then try and mend things.
People will never understand others' decisions when it comes to those they love. The debate between endless chances, relentless forgiveness and when to call it quits is an ongoing battle. But this is what I have learned. And I'm sure I have plenty more to learn, but I am also sure that another fifty years will still not give me the answers I need to solve the problem that is heartbreak because it is different for everyone.
So when faced with the struggle, as most people are, take a step back and choose you. As hard as it is, you need to willingly choose to do this for yourself. You need to see that this is not permanent, that this will help in the long run. You need to step back and see the big picture that you get to paint, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise. So take your two weeks, and trust the one person who will never fail you, yourself.
