If you’re anything like me (if you’re a human being with emotions) then you’ve had one of those days. One of those days where all you want to do is wrap up in a blanket, turn out all the lights, put on some tear-jerker movie, stuff your face with ice cream and cry. Cry your eyes out until you either get a grip on your emotions or fall asleep. I have one of those days maybe once a month, every other if I’m lucky. It comes out of no where, for no reason at all and wrecks the whole day.
The last time I had one of those days I was at work. I remember doing dishes and tearing up every time the bell dinged to tell me that a customer had walked in. The other two workers sat in the back while I went from scrubbing dirty dishes to ringing up customers. I don’t know why this particular day at work got to me, it was just like every other day, but it did. I came home to an empty apartment, took off my converse and jeans and hopped into bed covering myself with my favorite blankets. For a good half hour I laid in that bed mindlessly watching Fuller House and tried to fight off the bad emotions taking over my mind. At some point one of my roommates got home with a friend. I could hear them in the living room chatting and laughing and after awhile the friend left and my roommate shuffled around the apartment. She came back into my room all cheerful and said something like, “hey could you use a good cry? Because we just watched Kelly Clarkson’s American Idol story and it’s a good one.” Right then the tears came and I muffled, “I could really use a good cry.” These moments seem pretty typical between this one roommate and I so she sat down on my floor, settled in and looked up at me (my bed is lofted) waiting to hear my reasoning behind needing a good cry.
Sometimes the mouth spits out words without letting the brain or heart put in their two sense and this was one of those moments. I started saying things that I don’t even know if I truly believed but all of this negativity started spilling out along with some tears before I could even think. After I got done with my nonsense I looked down to her for some sort of comfort. She thought for a bit and then said, “that’s the devil speaking.” The devil? What no, this is me being an emotional twenty year old girl. She proved everything I had said to be wrong and reassured me that it was in fact all BS that I had just told her.
I never thought of these bad days, these negative thoughts, as being the devil. I just thought I was losing my mind. But it made sense. I know all of the things I told her that night were untrue and full of crap. I am a child of God. God made me and every other person in this world in His image which is beautiful, brilliant and loving. On this particular bad day I felt terribly alone, but I should have known that God is always with me. Sometimes I feel hideous (If you lived with the girls I live with you’d probably feel the same way) but God thinks I’m beautiful. God created you and me individually, not from a template and not from comparing us to one of His other creations. He made you and me special and beautiful and brilliant and with so much love. The devil likes to mess with our minds and make us forget who created us.
On these bad days my insecurities heighten and I turn to my bed and blankets as well as whoever is around to hear my cries, but I should be turning to God. I should be pushing those negative thoughts away and remembering to whom I belong. I can’t promise that this realization will take away these bad days forever. I can’t promise that negative thoughts will never enter your mind. I can promise that realizing that those thoughts are the devil speaking will make it easier to stop the bad day before it happens. I can promise that It’ll be easier to turn to God and to save the tears because knowing that we are children of God and that He is always going to be a positive light in our lives is so comforting and good enough to end all bad days.
We all need a day to lay around in a dark room, wrapped in blankets, stuffing our faces with ice cream and maybe even cry. We all need a day like that, but remember the positive, don't let negativity cloud your mind or your heart. Remember that you are never truly alone, you are not dumb, you are not hideous, you are not whatever negative thought is nagging at you. You are beautiful and brilliant and so loved. God's got you.
