Loss -- noun: the experience of having something taken from you or destroyed. [Merriam Webster Dictionary]
Throughout life, we will all experience loss in some way or another. No matter how big or small, most cope through the support of those around them. However, some choose to bottle up their grief. They choose to shut the world out and ignore the reality that they have lost something that meant so much to them. Sometimes it is easier to simply try to forget.
But what happens when the bottle breaks?
I personally try not to bottle my emotions up because I know that eventually I will break down and need to talk to someone. However, some people take a longer time to break down than others. I have seen so many people that I am incredibly close with take on a unique coping strategy. I’ve had several people in my life go through the tragic loss of a sibling or parent, and I can never even begin to imagine the heartbreak they must feel. I believe that any loss is tough, but at a young age, to lose someone such as your mom or dad is incredibly devastating. The worst part of loss is trying to figure out how to cope with it and move on with your life. I’ve known many to go to school right after and not talk to a psychiatrist or anyone about what they have experienced. Some don’t face the true reality, the true pain that most carry with them. Although, those of my friends who have been through such tragedy, do think about the ones they have lost every day, they bottled their grief up. I sit around and wait for the day that their bottles break. However, day by day, week by week, I can see the bottle slowly cracking. There are pieces of glass that break off and cut those around them. Leaving those who want to help them heal, wounded.
Some cope by drinking, being careless and placing blame on other people. Some act as if nothing can touch them, nothing can ever be their fault because they were pitied and others did the grieving for them. That is why I believe that bottling emotions of grief up are toxic to an individual. Grief, when bottled up, turns someone into a completely different person.
Don’t get me wrong, these people are some of greatest ones I know. However, it gets to the point where one of my friends talks about having a “sad story” and uses the loss they have encountered as a way to get through life and get the things they wants. The worst part of it all is having to watch someone you care about so much live their life blaming others and never taking responsibility. I am convinced that eventually their bottle of grief is going to break. Eventually, the pain is going to hit and cut them open, and I am afraid they might have pushed so many people away by that point and will have no one to turn to. I constantly think about what to say to make them let the pain go, to finally talk about the loss, yet what do you say to a person who doesn’t want to listen?
As I constantly watch blame being put on others for even the smallest things, I can’t help but try to confront the situation – attempting to make them see the reality of their actions. They never hold themselves accountable for any mistake made and they make the most serious situations seem like they are nothing. It upsets me, because I believe that our faults help us grow as a person. When you take accountability for things, you become a better person and you learn and grow through life. With someone similar to my friend, you question every single day whether they are living a true life, or a life that is up in the clouds. A life they feel guaranteed to have, they feel can never be taken from them. A life where they do not take responsibility, they do not think how their words and actions will affect others, and essentially a life where they think they are a caring person, when really, they are selfish and believe that nothing bad can ever happen to them.
My friend lets their grief talk. Whether they know it or not, their grief follows them around. They carry their bottle of grief with them everywhere. Each day the bottle begins to crack a little more, and one of these days, as scared as I am to see it happen, that bottle is going to break. Then what will happen? I wish I knew the answer to that. I wish I knew how to break that bottle sooner, and not make it a messy break.
Yes, people cope with grief and loss differently, however, when one bottles it up they become what they think is unbreakable. They hide their vulnerability, and they feel nothing towards the people they hurt or push away.
If there’s one lesson I have learned through all of this, it is this: don’t bottle your grief up and try to forget. Talk to people, share your story and become true to yourself. Don’t hide your bottle of grief, crack it open, and empty it out. Get to the bottom of that bottle and then fill it back up with happiness, love, and life.
