It's called perspective. It's easy, isn't it? To see the negatives. We live in a world where scrutiny, judgment, and comparison, spews freely, with enough power to damage the self-worth and security of those who let their guard down. The world can be ugly and discouraging, and quite honestly, it's hard to shake free of the weight that's placed on our shoulders when we really don't have the strength to carry it.
It's easy to get caught up in our lack of finances, in the body image we can't seem to commit to, in the comparison of your performance next to someone else's. To focus on the broken relationships and heartaches, the loss, the bitterness of being blatantly ignored in your times of need.
It's easy because it's constant. It's easy because it's hard and it requires work and hurt and struggle and failing over and over to finally overcome these obstacles, with no promise that once you overcome them, you are safe from the chase of trying to grasp something just out of your reach, for far longer than you should.
As easy as it is to sit in the fog of life's disappointments, nothing comes from sitting in the middle of your struggles. As long as you let yourself be stuck, you will never get stronger. There is so much beauty in overcoming obstacles, because when you overcome the things that bring you to your knees, you recreate a sort of warrior inside yourself, and that is the most freeing, rewarding and accomplished feeling you could ever experience. There is nothing that touches the power to save yourself, and the feelings that come with that power.
I've had some pretty paralyzing trials in my life, and in those seasons, I wanted so badly for someone to save me. I had this beautiful hope in my heart that I could fall in love with the right person, achieve the right kind of success, and suddenly, I wouldn't feel so bad anymore. And guess what? I achieved the impossible goals I set for myself. I fell in love. And I didn't feel any better.
I had to be alone in this ugly world I had created for myself and endure so many heartaches until I finally decided to take control of my mind and life. And there are still times at the end of the day that I come home and I feel completely defeated. There are still people who can turn a knife in my heart, just right. But the difference between now and then is the power I know I have.
Today, I came home missing someone I had lost. I came home with a world of stress hanging over me and anxiety over things I can not change. In the middle of my pity party, the more outspoken voice in my head reminded me of who I am and what I've been through. I had to tell myself that I've handled worse. I've dealt with scarier, uglier, sadder demons than the hiccup that presented itself today.
I had to tell myself "this is some amateur shit that doesn't deserve your time. Save your energy for the real threats". I have faced much worse situations. So with that in mind, today seems pretty minuscule for me to be beating myself up over. Getting through today is a cakewalk compared to what I was getting through 8 months ago.
When you're in a place of constant negativity and let down, remember who you are. Focus on finding a better perspective. The irony of growth is that it's usually disguised as debilitation. Hurt is what makes us strong. The suffering I was stuck in a year ago gives me the strength to look at a girl I was friends with for ten years and smile when I can hear her saying horrible things about me. It gives me the power to let go of someone I love because in my heart I know they aren't adding anything good to my life.
The situations that knocked me flat on the floor have given me the security in myself to stand in the middle of category 5 chaos and systematically calm it down instead of getting overwhelmed and panicked. My heartaches gave me the confidence to stand on my own, knowing that I can provide for myself and that no matter how much life might hurt, I can get through it, because I have before, and I became better because of it.
In ten years, you might remember the suffering you feel now. But you won't remember the small negative things you let pollute your mind. You won't remember the nasty thoughts you let leak into your heart, or the stress you feel every day. You won't remember how you made your life darker with just your mind.
But maybe you will remember this advice- you can invest in nurturing yourself by taking control of what you can control. You can start the habit of finding the good, of committing to making yourself stronger, committing to looking for the love in between the spaces of hurt and hopelessness.
You can train your mind and heart to have faith in yourself and what you are capable. Because you are capable. More than you know. Ten years from now you might be thankful for these trials, because they prepared you to face bigger battles, and gave you the intuition to know which battles aren't worth the slightest of your attention.
