People Change But That Doesn't Mean You Have To Lose Them As Friends

People Change But That Doesn't Mean You Have To Lose Them As Friends

Can you maintain a friendship when one of you changes?


I am pretty much the same person I have always been. I'm a type A, focused, competitive, athletic person. I am also a bit goofy, ditzy, anxious, clumsy, and nerdy. I have strong opinions but I am always interested to hear new points of view and I take the time to consider them thoughtfully. I am old fashioned and though I do think that all people are equal I would not consider myself feminist.

Once of my closest friends in high school was a girl I'll call Margo. She too was driven, a type A personality who was competitive about grades and focused on the future. She was loud, funny, ditzy, nerdy, and interesting. She was a little boy crazy and we spent lots of time discussing the boys in our high school and one day being bridesmaids inn each other's weddings. We were good friends and shared a lot.

We went to different schools as friends often do. I went to GW and she went to a school up North. I continued to be focused on school and fitness. I worked in the campus gym, went to classes, studied, and went inn occasional dates with men I met at school. Other than gaining confidence in my ability to be an independent adult and actually being one, I really didn't change who I was as a person. Margo did.

She too continued to be focused on classes. She also discovered drinking and smoking, things not uncommon in a college setting but things that I had almost no interest in doing. She also dated a few men and then, to my surprise, a woman. I was happy for her. She seemed to really love and care about this woman and I wanted her to be happy. When she officially announced on her Facebook page that she was a lesbian I was proud of her. She was confident in herself in a way that I hadn't seen before and it was great.

Our friendship continued basically unchanged. She would occasionally joke that I should give up men and try it her way and I would laugh at her and tell her that wasn't for me. We still would eat ice cream and watch trashy tv and we'd stay up talking about her girlfriend and the guys I had met recently. We discussed our classes and what we wanted to do post graduation. We reminisced about high school and talked about what people were doing now. Things seemed almost the same.

Over the last several months, things have changed a lot. She has become extremist in her views regarding sexuality, gender, race, and sic-economic status. I think everyone has their views and opinions on this subject and the range of viewpoints is huge. I have always supported her in whatever she wanted to do, whatever she wanted to study, and whoever she wanted to date. What has changed is that she no longer supports mine. She has developed a negative, discriminatory view on men. Straight, white men, though she isn't thrilled with most men, in particular are the group that she resents and speaks ill about.

My boyfriend is strong, protective, and makes me feel safe. He is also sweet, smart, loving, and compassionate. He is also a straight, white man. My father and my brother are also straight, white men. It hurts me deeply to hear how she now speaks about men of that race and sexual orientation. I find that we are speaking less and I am sharing less about my life with her. We have been friends for over eight years and been through a lot together. I want to preserve our friendship but, is that possible knowing the resentment and disdain that she has for the men in my life? I do not know the answer to that. What I do know is that I am happy in my life.

I think all you can do when a close friend goes through a drastic change is be there, be available, and be yourself. But, do not change to accommodate. To continue to be friends, we don't have to want the same things or love the same way but we need to be accepting of each other's choices.

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10 Things Someone Who Grew Up In A Private School Knows

The 10 things that every private school-goer knows all too well.


1. Uniforms

Plaid. The one thing that every private school-goer knows all too well. It was made into jumpers, skirts, shorts, scouts, hair ties, basically anything you could imagine, the school plaid was made into. You had many different options on what to wear on a normal day, but you always dreaded dress uniform day because of skirts and ballet flats. But it made waking up late for school a whole lot easier.

2. New people were a big deal

New people weren't a big thing. Maybe one or two a year to a grade, but after freshman year no one new really showed up, making the new kid a big deal.

3. You've been to school with most of your class since Kindergarten

Most of your graduating class has been together since Kindergarten, maybe even preschool, if your school has it. They've become part of your family, and you can honestly say you've grown up with your best friends.

4. You've had the same teachers over and over

Having the same teacher two or three years in a row isn't a real surprise. They know what you are capable of and push you to do your best.

5. Everyone knows everybody. Especially everyone's business.

Your graduating class doesn't exceed 150. You know everyone in your grade and most likely everyone in the high school. Because of this, gossip spreads like wildfire. So everyone knows what's going on 10 minutes after it happens.

6. Your hair color was a big deal

If it's not a natural hair color, then forget about it. No dyeing your hair hot pink or blue or you could expect a phone call to your parents saying you have to get rid of it ASAP.

7. Your school isn't like "Gossip Girl"

There is no eating off campus for lunch or casually using your cell phone in class. Teachers are more strict and you can't skip class or just walk right off of campus.

8. Sports are a big deal

Your school is the best of the best at most sports. The teams normally go to the state championships. The rest of the school that doesn't play sports attends the games to cheer on the teams.

9. Boys had to be clean-shaven, and hair had to be cut

If you came to school and your hair was not cut or your beard was not shaved, you were written up and made to go in the bathroom and shave or have the head of discipline cut your hair. Basically, if you know you're getting written up for hair, it's best just to check out and go get a hair cut.

10. Free dress days were like a fashion show

Wearing a school uniform every day can really drive you mad. That free dress day once a month is what you lived for. It was basically a fashion show for everyone, except for those upperclassmen who were over everything and just wore sweat pants.

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An Open Letter To My Childhood Best Friend

To Molly Zucker, I hope this article makes everyone surrounding you hear your obnoxious, priceless laugh.


Dear childhood best friend,

When I look back on my childhood, there is only one person who reminds me of home: you. After moving out of state and time passing on, it's easy to forget where you came from and parts of your childhood. However, the minute I see your face and hear your goofy laugh, the feeling of home returns. You bring out the fun and young in me because let's be honest, you turned out to be the adventurous spontaneous one and I'm just a boring nerd in Organic Chemistry. No one can make my pure childhood laughs come out or make me feel as free-spirited and lively as much as you do.

Lexi Garber

We used to ride our bikes around town, eat salt and vinegar chips until our tongues burned, and do each other's makeup and nails. We would go to the mall and dress ourselves in this horrendous outfits, but ones that we actually thought were cute at the time (Why did you let me wear half of the stuff I did?) We wrote each other cards during Recess and talked about how much we would gossip on our Friday night sleepovers. I could recognize your cupcake vanilla perfume scent from a mile away, even from this day and when I do smell it, it brings back such a warm and comforting familiar feeling.

Lexi Garber

We would talk about what our future would be like, how fun high school would be and what it would be like if we went to the same college. I didn't know that I would move before all of that but little did I know we would remain best friends and talk every day still to this day. Although there are moments where it hurts me that I didn't get to watch you grow out of your crazy, middle school self and into this beautiful and amazing girl, I know one day we will be close in distance again. We still talk about our future like we know what's going to happen and hopefully, we will live together in NYC one day, like we've always talked about. Who knows where we will both end up, but no matter how far we are in distance, we will always be close at heart.

Lexi Garber

The best part of being long distance best friends is that when our other friends annoy us, we can randomly Facetime each other at any time for a quick laugh and a reminder of how sacred our special bond is. We get to plan trips to see each other and show each other what has changed in our lives, but there is one thing that will never change: our friendship. So here's to you being my maid of honor, crazy aunt for my future kids, my soulmate, best friend and partner in crime. You bring out the happiness and best in me and I will love you always and forever.


Your childhood best friend

Lexi Garber

Lexi Garber

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