When I was in kindergarten, I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up—even though I was deathly afraid of anything and everything that involved going to school. I cried every morning before school but then spent hours playing teacher with anyone who wanted to play with me. I even got a little name tag and a container filled with teacher supplies that had "Miss Emma" written on it for Christmas one year.
Being a teacher was my absolute dream.
When I was in 4th grade, I wanted to be a veterinarian when I grew up. I got a game for my Nintendo DS where I was a surgeon at a zoo. I played that game every chance I got, and I wanted it to be real! I wanted to help save all the adorable animals...but then I got slapped by the cold hand of reality and realized I would have to deal with scary animals like snakes, and I would have to euthanize pets. Being a veterinarian became a big "no" from me.
When I was in middle school, I wanted to be a musician when I grew up. I was convinced I had this amazing hidden talent that no one else had, and I wanted to share it with the world! The problem with that is I am, and always have been, scared of having everyone watch me. If my parents asked me to sing I would avoid it 99.9% of the time, but I continued to fantasize about having my own stage, fans singing to my own songs, and how I would be another Jennifer Lawrence in interviews. I was determined I would become a star.
When I was in 10th grade, I wanted to have a job that dealt with forensics when I grew up. I watched shows like Criminal Minds and Dexter, and I wanted to help figure out some crazy dark crimes, too! For a while, I was sure this was what I wanted, but I didn't know what part of forensics I wanted. I even considered being the one to do autopsies at one point. I then realized that I have the emotional stability of a three-year-old, so I would go home crying every day after dealing with so much death.
When I was in 12th grade, I wanted to open up my own restaurant when I grew up. I've always loved cooking ever since I was young. I would wake up in the mornings to watch Food Network, I was in cooking competitions, and I spent many a day in the kitchen with the best cook in the whole world, my grandma. I imagined moving to Arizona and opening up a restaurant filled with Southern food.
Now I'm in college and I just wanna be happy when I grow up. I have no idea what job I want. I keep jumping back and forth in what to major in—from education to psychology to journalism. The one thing I do know is that I don't want to be plagued by anxiety every single day. I don't wanna dread waking up. I wanna be excited for chocolate chip waffles in the morning, beach trips during the summer, and nights in watching a really good show on Netflix.
I want my life to be filled with positivity, and it is at the moment. I'm in college, and it's stressful, but I'm on a journey to figure out my future. I'm really emotional and get nervous about everything, but I have a girlfriend who supports me and always calms me down—she's my happy place. And no matter what, I know I have the love of my amazing family.
I just want to be happy, and I think I'm on the right path.
