We all know the Golden Rule. “Treat others how you want to be treated.” Our parents, caregivers, teachers, babysitters, and pretty much every adult in our lives from right about the time we could walk drilled this into our heads, over and over, ad nauseam. But what if this rule isn’t the best rule to live by? What if using this rule as our life philosophy not only harms us but also harms those around us?

Don’t get me wrong; on the surface, the Golden Rule is, well, golden. If everyone always treated everyone else well, the world would be a great place. But this line of thinking comes from an underlying philosophy that can actually be quite harmful. This philosophy basically assumes that if good begets good, bad must beget bad, too. So, basically, we get what’s coming to us. Therefore, if someone mistreats us, then they deserve to be mistreated back. The Golden Rule actually subconsciously brings about an eye for an eye belief.

Obviously, this can be quite a harmful belief to act upon. If someone does something awful, they deserve to be punished. But sometimes people misread others’ actions or words, and then mistreat that person back. For example, if a coworker is making slightly offensive jokes, it would be much more effective to tell the coworker or a superior clearly that the jokes are offensive. Maybe the coworker didn’t even know their jokes were being taken offensively and would stop if they knew they were. Or maybe not, but hopefully telling a superior would bring about the proper punishment.

My point is, no one ever “gets the message” by “giving them a taste of their own medicine.” There’s something to be said for showing grace and giving people kindness in response to their coarseness. Kindness usually begets kindness, and anger usually begets anger. If someone reacts with kindness to a person who is being rude, it usually exposes the rudeness and makes the other person feel foolish. This is much less likely to happen if someone responds with anger, lowering themselves to that person’s level.

If everyone tried their best to respond to people with kindness, there would be a whole lot less bad in the world. There would be fewer hurt feelings, fewer grudges, and more unity. And, as we know, unity is exactly what our world needs right now. Next time someone makes a rude remark to you in a store, try disarming them with a nice comment and maybe even a compliment. Not only will it make them think twice about their behavior, but it’ll also make you feel better. It’s much easier to be happy when you’re spreading kindness rather than anger and bitterness. As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I know we hear and see this quote all the time, but it’s so true. We can’t expect others to change if we’re not willing to change ourselves.

“Throw kindness around like confetti,” –Bob Goff