Paul wrote to the church in Corinth, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” (1 Cor. 13:11, ESV).

The first time I heard this verse, it made sense to me very quickly. As humans, we grow and develop, and as we grow older, we are supposed to leave childish ways behind us. In our speech, we change from a small, broken vocabulary to unique, lexical diction. In our maturation, we grow from child-like reasoning to logical rationale as an adult. In our emotional responses, we develop from tantrums and fits to reasonable argumentation and higher level processing.

Yes, at first this verse made a lot of sense to me. But this past week it has shown to be much more true and invasive to all areas of my life.

The past semester was one of the hardest semesters of my life. For reasons I would rather leave unsaid, I was constantly under a billowing storm cloud of stress and emotional tension. And one of the most frustrating, confusing, and scariest aspects of the storm was not being able to hear or see God through any of it.

Though I am a student of Theology, and God is constantly mentioned and debated about in my classes, I felt as though His voice was silenced and His presence ceased in my life altogether. I was constantly on the look out for Him in every conversation I had, every interaction I encountered, every silent moment I had to myself, every nature walk I traveled, every church service I attended, every worship song I listened to, and every prayer I prayed. Still, I did not hear Him.

I felt abandoned, left in the midst of a war zone without a back up plan and no help on the way. I cried out to the Lord so often, with a heart so contrite and a mind so utterly confused, and still, I received no response. It felt like God was testing me, but even more so than that, it honestly felt like He was messing with me. I just wanted it all to stop, and I wanted our relationship to be strong like it had been not too long ago. I just wanted Him to speak, and I wanted to listen.

But there’s something I have come to this week. I realized just a few days ago that it wasn’t that God was silent, but rather He had just changed the way He wanted to reach me. I had so many beautiful encounters with God the school year before, and I was so expectant for Him to show up the same exact way this new school year.

But that’s the thing with God. As soon as we begin to expect how He will speak or show up, He does so in a different way. Not to mess with us, or to play with our hearts, but rather to grow us. God knows we must move on from former ways of listening and following in order to mature in our faith of Him. Because as soon as we become comfortable with how He speaks and the way He moves, complacency is given an open door to come into our lives and stay for more than we would like to admit.

So if you’re in the same place I found myself to be in this past semester, a place full of seemingly strong silence and confusion let me be of encouragement to you. God is here, and He is near. He never leaves nor forsakes you, and He saves the one who calls on His name. He still provides though you may not see how; He still communicates though you may not hear His voice; and He still loves, though you may not feel it.

Friend, wherever you are, just know God is growing you and taking you through this process because He loves you and wants to see you mature. Though we like how God speaks to us, and we would like for it to continue, it is God’s nature to look out for us, and in that, He will mature us. So be patient, because the storm does cease and He is near through it all. And know that God is shaping you into a beautiful child of the Kingdom, even if you can’t see how just yet. Our God is a God of revelation, and He will reveal to you all that you need in His timing.