a history of fear

When Fear Eats Everything

How does one deal with fear when it paralyzes you?

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I'd like to think that I am fearless for the most part. I overcame any childhood fears of the dark, I can handle small bugs and would rather leave them outside than kill them, unless somebody else wanted to. I stand up and ask questions and take opportunities to speak up whenever I have the chance, and wouldn't mind going on a roller coaster if I didn't think about it.

Simultaneously, I do have a fear which a lot of people have too — the fear of failing and ultimately getting rejected by somebody.

I had an idea of what both of these meant when I was younger. I ran for student council in elementary school, and took tests to get accepted into a gifted program. However, I wasn't elected in any of the three times where I ran, and I didn't get into the program multiple times. In hindsight, I would like to believe that I didn't do much to prepare for the campaigns or for the tests, so I didn't do well. However, back then, I didn't take any loss easily, and would cry out in spite.

When I began writing my book, there was a time I wanted to get published, so my mother introduced me to somebody who knows about the industry. One of the points she made stood out — I would inevitably be rejected, and I would have to persist through it. While the lesson remained, it built into the idea failure was inevitable.

This did not mean I didn't go out of my way to try new things — with the encouragement of my parents, I got accepted into a private high school. I applied to universities and my major, not knowing who would accept me. And I got accepted and did well.

This didn't mean everything went away — what I noticed from high school until now was how I put less and less effort into my work. I act impulsively, and I still try to let things slide by so I wouldn't worry about them. This also played into my career search, in which I avoided applications for internships and scholarships because of the possibility I may not get into them.

This garnered the concern of my family members, who like anybody else, want to see me successful. I want to see myself do well too, but not at the cost of losing. Therefore, do I have to lose more to appreciate success, or have early failures made me want to close myself to new opportunities and challenges?

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Remember Zero From 'Holes'? This Is Him NOW

"Mr. Slick Living"

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"Holes" was one of my favorite Disney movies for a really long time. It came out in 2003 when I was about 5 years old. There aren't many actors from the movie that went on to stay in the public eye. Well, except for Shia LaBeouf. That man made several statements but even he disappears from the watchful eye of the media every now and then.

The actor from the movie that I have been most concerned with, however, is Khleo Thomas. I will admit, I had quite the crush on Khleo when he played young Hector Zeroni aka Zero in "Holes", despite him being a good ten years older than me. But I quickly lost track of him over the years.

So relatively recently I got on Instagram to do a quick search for him to see what he was up to. And, if I'm being honest, see if he was as cute as I remembered.

Low and behold, I did find Khleo Thomas and if anything he is more attractive than I remembered. Now, a quick reminder, we fell in love with him when he looked like this:


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And now he looks like this:



Now, me finding him attractive aside, let's take a look at what he's been up to over the years. Even though he's been out of the public eye every once in a while does not mean he has not been busy.

Since playing Zero, Khleo Thomas has done a multitude of things. He has scored a few more acting roles in shows like "Bones" and "Sons of Anarchy". Khleo launched an R&B;/rap career. He has become a widely entertaining Instagram and social media personality aka Mr. Slick Living.

On top of all of that, Khleo has become a successful entrepreneur as well. Launching two clothing brands of his own and sprinkling in a little male modeling in his spare time. What doesn't he do?

Khleo has two successful clothing/merchandising brands by the names of "Goddesses Living Amongst Men" and "Slick Living Apparel". Both are founded on staying "aware" (Khleo has mentioned several times over on his IG about why he doesn't use the word "woke"). They also give vibes of staying true to who you are and presenting yourself as the goddesses or Awerewolves you are.

Much of Khleo's brand seems to be rooted in the fact that he is unapologetic about who he is, where he is from, and what he plans on doing with his platform. He makes hilariously honest videos on Instagram and isn't shy about taking a dance break, or several.

Fans of Khleo (aka Goddesses and Awarewolves) seem to love that he is so willing to launch discussions with them and actually respond. His blunt opinions and responses make him much more approachable to everyone that loves him and sets him apart from other celebrities in this day and age.

He seems very in touch with his audience and is honest about how he feels about himself and others. The whole point is to be truthful and be open. That's something that I can get behind in 2019.

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15 Thing Only Early 2000's Kids Will Understand

"Get connected for free, with education connection"

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This is it early 2000's babies, a compilation finally made for you. This list is loaded with things that will make you swoon with nostalgia.

1. Not being accepted by the late 90's kids.

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Contrary to what one may think, late 90's and early 00's kids had the same childhood, but whenever a 00's kid says they remember something on an "only 90's kids will understand" post they are ridiculed.

2. Fortune tellers.

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Every day in elementary school you would whip one of these bad boys out of your desk, and proceed to tell all of your classmates what lifestyle they were going to live and who they were going to marry.

3.Bunnicula

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You could never read this book past 8 o'clock at night out of fear that your beloved pet rabbit would come after you.

4. Silly bands.

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You vividly remember begging your parents to buy you $10 worth of cheap rubber bands that vaguely resembles the shape of an everyday object.

5. Parachutes.

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The joy and excitement that washed over you whenever you saw the gym teacher pull out the huge rainbow parachute. The adrenaline that pumped through your veins whenever your gym teacher tells you the pull the chute under you and sit to make a huge "fort".

6. Putty Erasers

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You always bought one whenever there was a school store.

7. iPod shuffle.

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The smallest, least technological iPpd apple has made, made you the coolest kid at the bus stop.

8. "Education Connection"

You knew EVERY wood to the "Education Connection" commercials. Every. Single.Word.

9. " The Naked Brothers Band"

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The "Naked Brothers Band" had a short run on Nickelodeon and wrote some absolute bangers including, "Crazy Car' and "I Don't Wanna Go To School"

10. Dance Dance Revolution

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This one video game caused so many sibling, friend, and parent rivalries. This is also where you learned all of your super sick dance moves.

11. Tamagotchi

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Going to school with fear of your Tamagotchi dying while you were away was your biggest worry.

12. Gym Scooters

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You, or somebody you know most likely broke or jammed their finger on one of these bad boys, but it was worth it.

13. Scholastic book fairs

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Begging your parents for money to buy a new book, and then actually spending it on pens, pencils, erasers, and posters.

14.Go-Gurt

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Who knew that putting yogurt in a plastic tube made it taste so much better?

15. Slap Bracelets

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Your school probably banned these for being "too dangerous".

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