Last year on Father’s Day, our pastor at church spoke about the Biblical role of the father, and what can go wrong if this role isn’t fulfilled. He listed statistic after statistic—all of which I saw myself in. I didn’t realize the effect that my relationship (or lack thereof) with my biological father had caused. Yet as I looked back at the past few years, I saw the consequences deep into my relationships with boyfriends, friends, and other family members. I desperately tried to fill the hole that my father had left, leading to a life of sin. I was broken and nothing I tried could fix that the man who created me didn’t want me.

Many believers in my church and college ministry encouraged me to reconcile with my biological father, saying that that is God’s will. I often wrestled with this as he hadn’t reached out to me in years, yet I felt the weight of the responsibility of our failed relationship. I had made the decision to forgive him years prior, but I began to question whether I had truly forgiven him since we had not reconciled. I wasn’t sure I knew what Biblical forgiveness entailed.

Ephesians 4:32 says to forgive one another as God in Christ forgave us. To be able to forgive an earthly father, we need to acknowledge the overwhelming grace that has been poured onto us by our Heavenly Father. Then we can understand that it is not by our own might, but by God’s, that we can forgive even the most hurtful trespasses against us. Forgiveness is required of God’s children, and ultimately it will set you free—free from pain, guilt, bitterness, and resentment. And while God ultimately desires reconciliation, it can only happen under certain circumstances. Reconciliation occurs as a result of two repentant people coming together to work on the relationship.

Know that your Heavenly Father surpasses all of the expectations of your earthly father. He says to you: “I will be a Father to you and you will be my sons and daughters.” (2 Corinthians 6:18). He is your protector and provider; He is faithful, just, true, and loving. He is everything we could ask for in a father, and He calls you His! His arms are outstretched, just waiting for you to run to Him.