How many people do you know who have problems with their friends? A lot, right? After a while, you think this is the norm. You think you have to withstand issues in friendships because if you don't, no one will stay. Well, that's a lie.

First, let's discuss what a friendship is not:

A friend is not someone who is just there

A friend is not someone you've known for a long time

A friend is not someone you work/volunteer/do ministry with

A friend is not someone you mentor

In the simplest of terms, a friend is someone who is committed to you. Many of the arguments we have with our "friends" are because there are people who call themselves our friends but are not committed to us. It is a difficult concept to understand at times.

Even when we do have friends who are committed to us in the same way we are committed to them, things happen and shake the foundation of our friendships.

The trap we all fall into is we think our friends are the ones with the problems, or our friends believe we are the problem. What if the problem is the one who doesn't want you to be friends in the first place?

The enemy hates true friendships, and he'll do anything to destroy them. Many times, these issues destroy friendships altogether.

How does the enemy break our friendships?

1. Pride and Narcissism

Me, me, me and I. Did I mention it is all about me?

Similarly to how people act in marriages, friends often look to each other to fulfill needs only Christ can fill. It is not my friend's job to make me happy. It is my friend's job to be loyal and faithful whether I am happy or not. We primarily need to be in relationship with one another to give, not to receive.

Solution? Lay down your life. Even if your friend is the one struggling with this, love them through it. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).

2. Communication or Miscommunication?

Talking is not the same as communicating. You can say a lot and be at the same place you started; sometimes even farther behind.

When you miss an aspect of communication, problems surface. Often, we think we fail to understand the things that were said in the conversation. But truthfully, what we fail to understand is what the other person meant.

Solution? Communicate again and again! Put things out in the open. Talk with love (Proverbs 15:1). Check your heart.

3. Unforgiveness

Unmet expectations can be a ruthless destroyer of friendships. We need to choose to forgive our friends to move past the disappointments.

Did you catch that I said forgiveness is a choice? Trust is something that is earned. Just because you forgive your friend does not mean they are given back your trust. They need to understand the depth to which you have been hurt. Until you know they understand, you won't be able to give them your trust.

Solution? Talk to them about what hurt you. After they apologize and understand you were hurt, choose to forgive (Matthew 18:21-22). Someone who really loves you will be genuinely sorry they hurt you.

4. Loyalty problems

When a friend doesn't prioritize your friendship, it hurts so much.

You expect your friend to be at your birthday, graduation or anything important that is happening in your life. You also expect a little more from your "best friend." The problem is that though someone may be your best friend, you may not be their's, whether they articulate it or not.

Solution? Communicate. If communicating the problems in your friendship doesn't work, you may need to re-prioritize. You don't want to be loyal to someone who is not loyal to you.

Did you notice how many of these solutions have to do with communication? A lot.

I know it can seem tiring at times. For me, many times I just want to run away. I don't feel like having friends. Having no friends means having no arguments, disagreements or pain. But, having no friends also means loneliness and stunted growth.

My friends help me grow and mature. My friends are amazing. They are loving and encouraging. My friends are not perfect, but it is a privilege to love them through their imperfections.

I am terribly imperfect, but my friends love me. We live out the gospel through our friendship. Just as it is a privilege to suffer for the sake of Christ, it is also a privilege to suffer for the sake of my friends.

"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another." John 15:12-17