In life, people come and go. Friendships fade. Relationships end. People stop talking.
That girl who you used to "tell everything" to is now someone that you ignore in passing. That boy who you used to love is now someone you cannot make eye contact with. That teammate who you used to joke around with is now someone that you pretend not to notice at the mall. All of these people who once meant the world to you, are now strangers.
I have always grappled with the fact that a person can be in your life one day, but out of it the next. Whether people drift apart naturally or experience a major falling out, it is still sad when a friendship or relationship ends. In the case of a major falling out, the "normal" response is often to feel bitter toward the person who wronged you.
You want to badmouth the girl who stabbed you in the back. You want to despise the boy who broke your heart. You want to belittle the teammate who left you in the dust. In all of these cases, you want to focus on all of the negative qualities of your former companions, rather than acknowledging the painful void that is missing from the bond that you once had.
But why is it so natural to feel bitter?
The answer is quite simple; anger is an easier emotion to feel than pain. When you lose a friend, it is easier to look back on old memories and feel bitter than it is to admit that you miss how things used to be.
But why is this?
Anger is impulsive and shallow, while pain is contemplative and deep. Anger comes and goes in waves, while pain remains constant. Essentially, to feel angry is to focus on the negative qualities that ended a friendship, while to feel pain is to acknowledge the wonderful qualities that built that friendship.
But why does it have to be this way?
Like everyone, I have encountered my fair share of broken friendships and relationships. And like most people, I initially felt angry toward the people who "wronged" me.
In time, however, I discovered that even though pain is a harder emotion to feel than anger, it is also the more significant emotion of the two. Despite the fact that anger is often pain in disguise, the two emotions must be distinguished. Feeling pain enables you to grow as a person and move forward, while feeling anger leaves you stuck in the past.
So to anyone who is dealing with a lost friendship or relationship, challenge yourself to not become bitter. Instead of resenting the bad memories made with your former friend, try to be thankful for the good ones. Let yourself feel pain instead of anger. Let yourself miss the people you lost. Let yourself accept the situation. Let yourself move on.
After all, to move on is to let go of anger and free yourself from the past. So, instead of being bitter, laugh at the goofy, old photographs that you took with your former best friend. Smile while reflecting on the romantic dates and fond memories made with someone you once loved. These people used to matter to you, and in a way, they still can.
Life is too short to waste your time feeling resentful toward anyone. You do not have to be friends with everyone from your past, but you certainly do not have to be enemies either.
