What is consent? And why for some reason is it so hard to understand?
Consent, by definition, is when someone agrees, gives permission, or says “yes” to sexual activity with other persons. Consent is always freely given and all people in a sexual situation must feel that they are able to say “yes” or “no” or stop the sexual activity at any point. So why is that definition so hard for people, especially men, to understand? Why do we constantly need to put puns or jokes attached with the idea of consent or make it consent is considered “sexy” or “cheesy”? Why can’t consent just be consent? When jokes are used to place a better understanding of consent it devalues the idea of consent. Consent is an act and should stay that way—it should not be implied as a joke or something to make a play on words.
And with comes consent comes rules to getting consent. The person initiating the sexual activity has a responsibility to get this consent before embarking on any sexual activities—and this consent must be unambiguous and clear. And consent can be withdrawn at any time no matter how far the sexual activity got or how long it had been going on. A person, who is incapacitated—whether they are sleeping, intoxicated, or under the influence of any kind and no consent should ever be assumed, cannot also validly give consent. These rules don’t seem so hard once explained but clearly to some people, they are difficult and hard to understand. They are often ignored and thrown to the side with no regard.
This all boils down to respect. We should be respecting everyone we come in contact with no matter what they were, who they date or what school they go to. And that respect is always given unless a person is given a reason to not respect another person—and that reason isn’t just because you want to get laid. No one’s body is someone else’s toy. We are all human beings with emotions and rights that should never be violated. So why do others think that they can be violated at any time they please?
When I walk down the street, wearing a dress or even sweatpants and a hoodie, I am not asking to be catcalled or whistled at. I am minding my own business doing whatever it is I need to do. When I go to a party, I am there to have fun with my friends, I am not there to have my drink spiked and my body took advantage of like I am a piece of garbage. I am not your play toy. I am not your hunting ground. I am a woman with rights and emotions who wants to have fun and live life without living in fear. But this of course isn’t what happens. There are catcalls, whistles, advancements I don’t want nor appreciate, and even the pushing of sexual activities that I had explicitly said no to.
And so this begs numerous questions, what the hell is wrong with rape culture? Why are people as the victim, considered the problem in the situation? Why are they asked, “what were they wearing” and “how much did they have to drink that night”? Why are six months of jail time the highest sentence most rapist was seen and they are only charged for “20 minutes of action” when victims are left with a lifetime of pain and suffering? And why is it that the victim is also to blame when they don’t speak up because they are afraid to face their rapist or relive the most horrifying moment in their lives? Why does our rape culture praise and protect the rapist but degrade the victim? Why are women taught to cover their bodies up and we aren’t teaching men not to rape?
So I ask again, what the hell is wrong with rape culture? And why aren’t we trying to change it?
