When I was 14, I knew everything there was to know about love and relationships. I knew that if you liked someone, you simply told them. And if they liked you back, you'd be together and live happily ever after. By the time I was a senior, I realized that I could not have been more wrong. Apparently, feelings were not to be expressed out of fear of vulnerability. And vulnerability was a weakness. And weakness has no place in a relationship. As we mature into the dating world, it becomes evident that a relationship is more than a surface level engagement. A successful relationship takes trust in your partner's intentions, and often times this is the determining factor in a fulfilling union. As a young adult, I have a hard time balancing my desire to have a loving relationship with my fear of betrayal and heartbreak. Sadly, I am not an anomaly or an outlier. I am the norm. I am what one has to be in this generation's dating culture, which really isn't centered around dating at all. It is centered around a constant game of cat and mouse, as both participating parties try to get the most they can out of the other while trying to preserve their ego.
As I went into my first relationship, I was so optimistic, to the point of nearly being flat-out naive. He was more experienced than I was, and I thought he could teach me more about the world. What he taught me was the ramifications for being a benevolent lover. I quickly learned that there is always someone who will care more than the other in relationships. More often than not, the person who cares the most will end up heartbroken when the relationship ends because of their partner's actions. Of course, no one wants to leave a relationship with the feeling that they've been used, taken advantage of, or disregarded. The fear drives one to "play" the other before it happens to them. What ends up being the result is a pair of people that are virtually at war with one another, while simultaneously claiming that they are in love.
I saw a meme last week that said, "Your old boyfriend played you so now you're trying to play me before I play you. But you played yourself because I never planned on playing you." After a thorough examination of this statement, one will realize that we celebrate using hurt or failed relationships as an excuse to ruin our future relationships. We brag on social media about the fact that we have a strong “fall back” game because caring is too risky. Additionally, our dating culture has created an ego driven attitude towards entering relationships.
So what is the solution to the dating culture in our generation? How can we find love without the fear that we will be hurt? The answer to these questions is clear communication. As millennials, we do not communicate our true feelings or intentions. Instead of “falling back” we need to come forward and express our true selves. Also, honesty is a value that our generation does not practice often. If we were to take the time and approach our significant others with a pure heart we could all find someone that we love.
When I was 14, I knew absolutely nothing about relationships. And now, at 20 I'm still learning how to have a relationship without fear or baggage. However, by adopting the principles of clear communication and honesty I believe we can take a step in the right direction.
