To all the people who have heard those three words, I challenge you to read my following ones...
For one, I do not blame you for wanting to believe in this person you call your friend, but give me this, realize there are two sides to every wall.
For this is not an article to bash, but to defend my side, and everyone who has been in these shoes before. My side has been kept in the dark for far too long. Loving him was easy, wasn’t it? It was easy since the day you met him. If you have ever dated a guy like I have, you know then that they have a very charismatic side, a side that reels you in, but he also a side that you yourself don’t even recognize. I am assuming you the friends of his saw only this charismatic side. Because it was me who got to see the other one.
It was probably very easy for you to believe in all his lies. Why? Because he laughs when he lies. He opening will lie to just about anyone, even his own family. For him, its like he is having a normal conversation. He lies about things that don’t even make sense to lie about. He doesn’t feel remorse or guilt. That is how he was able to fool you for so long, because he fooled me for six years.
Yes you heard me right, oh you didn’t know?
Maybe you read this and think I am the ultimate fool, and I will agree with you on just that. Maybe I should have realized the stars didn’t aline when he wouldn’t let me post on his social media. Or when I not once was invited to come down to see him at college for the first whole two years. Or how he would get mad at me when I would add his friends on Instagram, after I would have to dig to even find out his school friends names. You didn’t know about me? Its okay, he hid you guys from me too.
Double life? I would say so.
To all of his side girls or flings or whatever you call yourselves. I appreciate your honesty, but you don’t have to keep apologizing to me. You didn’t know. Hell, I’m the person that knew him best these last several years. I have no anger towards you.
To all his friends, that knew or met these other girls, I don’t blame you either. I now know he told you we weren’t together, but I promise you we were.
It was me he would call when things took a turn for the worse with his family. It was me he would call at 11:30 pm to peer edit his paper that was due at midnight. It was me he would call to complain to about his roommates. It was me he who was blowing up his phone all those times you guys went out. It was me he was yelling at on the other end of the phone outside. It was me who sent him those mysterious care packages. It was me that he would go to see when he told you “he had drill for the weekend” or when he had some things at home to go take care of. It was me who he would spend all of his school breaks with. It was me he made broken promises to or sacrificed frienships for because he didnt like them. It was me who gave my heart to someone, who never intended to give me his. It was me who slept with the enemy, who wasted my entire college dating a guy who spent his half single playing the field. It was me who spent years with the liar hoping the "old him" i fell in love with, would come back to me. It was me who he gave the ring to promising marriage, after he just broke off the fling with one of you. It was me he told he loved. To the girls he carried on relationships with, it wasn’t because he was in the army for why he ended it with you, it was because I was probably close to discovering who you were.
He wanted to have his cake and eat it too.
And he did. For years.
So now you know. If things always didn’t add up with your friend or the guy you were talking to, it was because of me. I give you all the benefit of the doubt for believing in him, and I hope you give me mine for staying with someone who played me for years.
He told you I was crazy right? Well, the only accusation of crazy I’m guilty of, is giving this silly boy my heart, and not believing him throughout all the years when he showed me just how unworthy and undeserving he was of it.
