We all love Starbucks. I Starbucks, you Starbucks, we all Starbucks. No matter how many people are running in and out of their stores, it's always the same endless thought process, just with different people.
They greet you, welcoming you into their busy atmosphere. But do you really know what they're thinking? Here is an example of the baristas', let's call him Greg, thought process through the many customers who come through day by day.
What he says: "Hey! How are you doing today?"
But what he really means: 'Hey person, I have like 5 hours until my shifts over so let's quickly wrap this up, just tell me your order and yes it will just be a couple minutes so let's not get too crazy or you're waiting even longer. Don't test me today.'
What he says: "How can I help you today?"
What he really means: 'Straight to the point lady. People are going to come rushing through that door in like 2.5 seconds. Of course, you want the most boujee drink on the menu. Typical'
What he says: "You want extra whip on that?'
What he really means: 'How much more complicated are you going to make this? You have already asked for like 3 different pumps of syrup. This is not coffee anymore lady. This is a disaster.'
What he says: "May I get you anything else?"
What he really means: 'I really don't care that your friend just broke up with her boyfriend please get off that damn phone and let's finish up this order.'
What he says: "Oh you now would like a sandwich? They are all good."
What he really means: 'Anything you want is my favorite at this point. I like everything. I beg you, please stop asking me questions and choose what you want to order. I could have gone to the bathroom and came back by now! No, I don't have fresh fucking cranberries to put on your damn sandwich.This isn't Burger King you cannot have it your way. Unless it's coffee and then maybe you can.'
What he says: "Will that be all today?"
What he really means: 'You took forever to order and now there's this long ass line behind you. I'm ready to just cancel your order and shew you out of here. IS THAT EVERYTHING??'
What he says: "Total is __ and what's the name for the order?"
What he really means: 'Oh your names Becky? Alright, Becky, I'm sure you have the Starbucks app so let's get that pulled up princess Becky. I hope I'm spelling your name wrong right now on this cup. Take that!'
What he says: "Beki! Your order is ready!"
What he really means: 'Yea I spelled it wrong. Take that slow ass orderer. Look next time just use the app to place a pickup order like the sane people in this world. Save me some time!'
What he says: "Yes there is whip cream in there Becky"
What he really means: "YOUR WHIP CREAM IS COLD AND THE COFFEE IS HOT! OF FUCKING COURSE IT'S MELTED. YOU WATCHED JENNIFER PUT IT IN THERE! JENNIFER TELL HER!
Jesus Becky!
What he says: Have a great day! Enjoy!
What he really means: I hope your coffee spills on the way out and no we don't do free refills. Well, Jennifer might but I will not! Good day Becky!!
So I'm mostly sure they don't hate us all that much but I have definitively heard my fair share of complicated orders by less than brilliant people. I feel for them and having worked in customer service myself I know exactly what runs through most of their heads. Next time, remember to be as polite and courteous as possible to your baristas. They literally help supply our daily dose of energy.
