This isn't a completely random article; I've been on a few interviews recently (that and I literally had nothing else to write about this week that wasn't pessimistic, so final product!). Internships, board position—it's been a fun time. Anyway, as someone who is nervous about almost everything, I'm surprisingly never worried about an interview. My very first interview I tried to prepare answers and, after none of the questions I prepared for got asked, I decided from that point forward to wing it. That isn't always the best thing, however, considering most interviews ask the same exact questions:

Interviewer: "So, tell me about yourself!
"What You Say: *Recites carefully constructed and previously rehearsed biography that manages to reflect every qualification in the job posting.*
What You're Thinking: "My favorite color is blue, I can sing the alphabet backwards, and my pet probably has a higher IQ than me. Can you hire me now?"

Interviewer: "How are your customer service skills?"
What You Say: "I'm careful to observe the customer's needs and deliver with the utmost degree of pleasantness and politeness."
What You're Thinking: "If you let your eyes glaze over and pretend you don't hear them, they think you're in a coma and won't bother you."

Interviewer: "So how would you rate your computer proficiency?"
What You Say: "Set me down at a keyboard and I can do anything."
What You're Thinking: "I'll YouTube it later."

Interviewer: "What would you do if-"
What You Say: *listens intently with a calm demeanor*
What You're Thinking: *panicking* "How has my education up to this point prepared me for this?"

Interviewer: "How do you deal with stressful situations?"
What You Say: "Well, first I figure out-"
What You Think: "Cry. I cry, like, a lot."

Interviewer: "How are your time management skills?"
What You Say: "At this point, they're perfected. I've come to realize that if you use your hours wisely, you can accomplish anything."
What You're Thinking: "I've come to realize that I'm really good at procrastinating and not sleeping the night before the deadline."

Interviewer: "What would you say is your biggest weakness?"
What You Say: "I'm an ardent perfectionist and I easily get caught up in the details."
What You're Thinking: "Chocolate. Carbs. My crippling self-esteem. What kind of a question even is that?"

Interviewer: "Do you have any questions for me?"
What You Say: "No, not right now!"
What You're Thinking: "Why do I always forget this part and never have anything to say?"