I was lucky enough to grow up with both a mom and a dad. What I also grew up with was a single mother. As a child of divorced parents, it sometimes gets tricky when talking about my family dynamic. My parents got divorced 6 years ago. In the same week, my brother went away to college and my Dad moved out. I was 15 at the time, and full of that lovely teen angst that we all so begrudgingly held onto. My mom got full custody, with no complaint from my dad, and a new chapter of my life was about to begin. Now, I love my mom very much, but at the time, I had grown up a Daddy's Girl. When my relationship with my father became strained, I did not have my brother to fall back on this time. There I was, without my brother for the first time in 15 years, and without my dad. I was stuck with this woman that I had began to harbor a sort of resentment towards for the she handled things when things with my dad went south (see, there's that teen angst I was telling you about).
Imagine very awkward dinners and a big, silent house that just didn't feel right. Picture quiet car rides and long stretches of weird silences. Who was this person that raised me from birth that I could not feel totally comfortable with? Slowly, we began opening up to each other. When you're 15, you see only what is on the surface. I saw my mom as this strict, cold woman with a preference towards my older brother who I thought was more like her than her only daughter. It's weird realizing that if my brother and dad had not left, I wouldn't have gotten to know the woman who gave me life as well as I do now.
Boy, how wrong was I. My mother had been protecting me from finding out another side of my father. She never wanted me to hate him and I just always thought she was taking his side and protecting him, instead, she was protecting me. Rather than me think bad about my dad, she took the villain label. While we were out building forts and playing Stratego with my dad, my mom was working a full-time job as a medical technologist in the blood bank at Cooper Hospital and then going straight to the local county college to work on getting another degree. Constantly tired from raising 2 kids, working, and going to school, I had no idea what my mom really sacrificed those first 15 years of my life.
A year passed and junior year rolled around and my life was flipped upside down in a car accident. The worst thing to ever happen to me had just occurred, any parent's nightmare, and she was the one who kicked my butt into gear and got me out of bed and out of my depression. With her support and guidance, I was able rehabilitate myself and become a better me. By senior year those silent car rides and awkward dinners were a distant memory.
Senior year came in a blink of an eye and my mom's second child was Rutgers bound following in the footsteps of her first. Leaving my mother was the hardest thing I had to do. She has given me everything, all on her own. She has put her two children before her own needs, making sure we get all that we need, instead of what she needs. So what do you give the woman who gave you the world?
You give her love, you give her your best. You ace those exams and you graduate. You present yourself in a way that would make her proud. You hold our head high and you listen to her advice (because moms are always right), and you try to hear her voice of reason in your head before you beat someone's butt (unless they deserve it). You be the best you that you can be and if you are half the person your mother is, all should be fine. You love others the way she loved you, but keep in mind all the things she warned you. And of course you buy her that Audi that she's been eyeing when you're successful, along with building a guest house in the backyard solely for her since she will supposedly be splitting her time between you and your brother after she retires.
Just remember, whatever you do, she's still going to love you because she's your mother. It's what they do.
