When Aretha Franklin sang her iconic song about respect, it would have more appropriately been sung "R.E.S.P.E.C.T. - find out what it means to he." Because men don't just want respect, they need respect. In a world that glorifies unconditional love (e.g. "All You Need Is Love" - The Beatles), respect is kind of thrown off to the side as something that isn't as important. But according to Shaunti Feldhan's research in her book "For Women Only," love and respect are synonymous in a man's mind so, in order for him to feel unconditionally loved, he also needs to feel unconditionally respected.
Now, what does it mean to show a guy respect so that he feels loved?
It means:
1. Respect his judgment.
Defer to his judgement even when you think you know better.
2. Respect his abilities.
Trust that he's capable of solving problems such as fixing Netflix, getting his homework done, or knowing the directions to the party you're going too without telling him what to do.
3. Respect his accomplishments.
Say thank you or publicly praise him for the good things he does.
4. Respect him in your communication.
Don't nag him or assume he isn't capable of solving a problem but give him the benefit of the doubt.
5. Respect him in public.
Do not publicly tease him!!! Instead, publicly praise him, you'll prove to everyone around you what an accomplished, smart and able man you have in your life. All men want to feel capable. Publicly teasing a guy for his mess-ups would be like a guy publicly teasing a girl for gaining weight, it's just disrespectful.
6. Respect him in your assumptions.
Give him the benefit of the doubt and don't assume he needs to be reminded or that he's choosing not to help.
All of this combined looks like a woman who verbally thanks and praises her partner while giving him the benefit of the doubt. That doesn't mean she's a wallflower and she doesn't give her advice or opinion, but she defers to her partners judgement when he feels strongly about something and she doesn't tell him how to do everything or assume he's incapable of completing a task. It's easy to jump in and instruct him when you think you know better, but that will more than likely come off as disrespect because it sounds like you don't trust his abilities or think he's capable of completing a task without being told what to do. Men love a challenge and conquering a difficult puzzle or problem is part of the fun, if you undermine their confidence or question their intelligence you're making them feel stupid and unloved.
Behind every great man is a great woman, show your man that you believe in him and he'll live up to and probably exceed your expectations and conquer the world.
