I've gone through my fair share of losses and each time isn't any easier. In those vulnerable moments, whether you are the affected or not, its hard to know what to say. What can you say? "Sorry, for your loss?" Here are some things I wish someone would have told me when I was suffering through the pain and struggle of tragedy.
1. "It's okay not to be okay."
Being strong is a common defense mechanism and works for a short while. But sometimes its important to feel, to cry, and to let it all out. So stop saying "it's okay" and starting letting yourself feel. Dropping the wall between emotion and sanity doesn't make you any less weak; it just makes you human.
2. "I don't understand."
In a world where "I'm sorry for your loss" and repetitive head-nodding becomes a common occurrence, the one phrase that is sometimes the most comforting to hear is "I don't know what you're going through, but just know that I am here for you. No matter what."
3. "It does get better, but it'll always hurt."
In the moment, loss feels like the end of the world, and in most cases, it is, but you do learn to accept it. Although, don't expect to "get over it." No matter how long it's been, you'll always miss that person, and that's definitely okay.
4. Nothing.
Sometimes, words can't fix anything. In those moments, let yourself feel, as the comforted or the comforter. Sometimes, just being there is enough.
4. "You are NOT alone."
Whether it's a pet or a parent, everyone has experienced loss, and each is just as hard as the other. When going through a struggle such as this, it only makes sense to feel alone, but those are the moments when satan grips you tight. During the sleepless nights when you're wondering if you could have done anything, or if it was your fault, remember this...
5. "God has a plan."
Sometimes this is a hard pill to swallow, but it's true. It's in the moments when we feel we've hit rock bottom, that the only way you can look is up. God is in control, and while right now, life may seem like it'll never get better, we must trust that He has something amazing planned.
6. And Finally, "You will see them again."
This one is probably one of the hardest to accept. In a society that revolves around visual learning and "seeing is believing," it is difficult not to be upset about the loss of someone close to you. But it is in these times of vulnerability that we must not dwell on what isn't with us, but on what will be. Just remember that the person you miss most is next to our Lord and Savior waiting for you to come home and rejoice with them in the Kingdom of Heaven.
In my times of struggle, these are the things I wish someone had told me. So whether you are the struggling or know someone who is, I hope this gives you something to say to someone who needs it. I'm not sure if this is what you (the reader) may need right now, but just know that you are not alone, there is always someone there to listen, and you will see them again one day.
"The pain that you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that is coming."
- Romans 8:18
