We all remember what it was like to be a freshman entering a new school, sweaty palms, nervous glances, confusion in the halls. The first week a complete blur, knowing virtually no one. Believing that if we get a chance to be known to take it and to make it here would cost our whole high school reputation.

Beause when you’re 15, you’re oblivious that this is just the beginning of your life.

I fell for a boy that I thought I loved. I gave him everything.

I fell under peer pressure and was introduced to drugs.

I fell into a spiral of depression, telling myself it would work itself out.

I fell so hard, for many things.

But nobody told you it would be this hard to juggle it all.

That it would be this hard to keep my head above water when all I wanted to do was drown. I made my priorities strictly social, I aimed to impress boys because that was what I was told to do. I never was taught that I should be involved with the right people and the right activities.

I was told that if I wanted to gain a sense of belonging I had to change who I became. That I can’t hold back and what my conscience thought didn’t matter.

As the Taylor Swift song goes:

“'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

….

But in your life you'll do things greater than

Dating the boy on the football team

I didn't know it at fifteen”

Because in reality, I wish I could have told that girl to respect herself better.

I wish I was told that things would turn out to benefit me in the end.

I wish I had known that of course things are going to be scary, but they can only get better from there.

I just wanted to be happy.

I wanted to meet new people.

I wanted to be involved as much as possible.

I wanted success.

I wanted to make my parents proud.

I wish I could have fulfilled these, but at 15 it is much harder to teach yourself the right thing to do and say. I wish I told myself that bad things can only happen for so long.

As life goes on there are so many what if’s and why’s, that I never clearly get them answered. I know now that it’s okay to say no to things and I know now that you’re supposed to be as unique as possible.

I also realize that no person in the world can define your worth except for yourself. That you are in total control for your present and future self. You are enabled to your own opinions, thoughts, likes/dislikes, and so own, that you need to take hold of that and how only that is the solution to being successful.