This isn't a stereotypical "new year, new me" post about how 2017 is going to be my "year," and how it is going to be so much better than 2016, or 2015, 2014, et cetera. I'd like to think that I have matured and grown within the past few years. I think maturing has stemmed from a few things: heartbreak, disintegrated friendships, death of loved ones, graduating high school, starting the new chapter of my life at college. I often look back at old photos, or old posts to relive the good memories and reflect on the bad. Thanks to Timehop, all of these sources are available at my fingertips.
I can recall many times I felt I had been at my lowest. I had no gas left in the tank and couldn’t keep going. I felt nothing could get better. I didn’t know what was going to make myself happy.
I distinctly remember a day back in April 2016. I was tired of not feeling good enough. I was tired of convincing myself that I couldn’t be happy. Something clicked inside my brain and all of a sudden, it dawned upon me: why the hell couldn’t I make myself happy? Why couldn’t I take charge of my own life? I felt chained to the things that bind me, and I wasn’t going to be a prisoner inside of my own world anymore. I believe that everyone will have this moment when they decide the negativity will not kill their happiness and take over their world anymore. The moment when you realize, you have yourself forever, and life is a gift, and you should treat it like one.
If I could go back in time and give the lost, sad, and confused high schooler a piece of advice, I’d tell her that there is a life outside of her hometown. There are people that you will meet who will be the most amazing people you’ve ever encountered, who will have a special place in your heart for most of your life, but there are some people who are meant to be temporary. There are people who are put in your life to hurt you, as terrible as that may sound. They teach you lessons. Every heartache teaches you that life is precious, and it gets better. I’d tell her you’re going to find friends who will make her laugh for hours and that she’ll create thousands of memories with them. I’d tell her she will indeed someday fall in love with someone who will make you smile harder than she’s ever smiled, and won’t ever make her feel inferior. I’d tell her that the world is hers and it’s up to her to choose what to do in it.
The younger version of myself was silly and naïve, I will admit to that. She may have given up too easily and didn’t look so far into the future to realize that everything falls into place, and that she’s going to make it through it all. Yes, there will be fake friends, boys who treat you like shit, tests that you will fail, and chances that you should have taken but didn’t…but it all leads up to this moment. Do what you can with it and be great, because you will get through it all, no matter how hard it may seem.
