Before this article begins I want to make it very clear that the demise of chivalry is not to be blamed entirely on women. Ultimately, men make the choice to either treat women with respect, or not to. In recent times, most men have chosen not to treat women with respect. Recently, I heard a few comments that made me think women might not be as innocent in the fight for respect as we sometimes claim to be.
“I would act chivalrous if that’s what girls actually wanted.”
“Girls who say they want to be with good guys are just lying because they never go for them.”
“Girls only go for guys who act like they don’t really care about the girl.”
“It’s easier to not be chivalrous, and girls don’t really seem to care either way. They tend to like guys who are kind of jerks anyways so what’s the point of being chivalrous?”
After hearing these comments from men in my life whom I have always believed to be good, genuine men, I began to wonder why do they feel this way? At first, I thought they were just being annoying, typical college boys, but the more I thought about it, the more valid their points became.
As women, we all do want a man to treat us like princesses, but for some reason, many of us do not act that way. Often times, we willingly chose a guy who treats us like crap, over a guy who treats us great. We say we want the guy who will take care of us, and love us completely, and then chase the guy who does the exact opposite. We, then, complain about how no guys treat us right, and we wish we were back in the days of courtship like our grandparents. But, we chose a guy knowing he would not act chivalrous. I am the first to admit that I am guilty of doing this. Most girls are.
When we willingly pick a crappy guy and ignore a good guy, why do we expect guys to act chivalrous? We are showing men that they can act however they want, and actually get more girls who expect less, by treating us wrong. The good guys are not stupid, and they are also still guys. They still want girls, even if they are respectful towards women. So when they realize that they are not getting girls like the crappy guys are, then they are very likely to conform to that behavior.
In the times of our grandparents, women expected the world from men and that is exactly what they got. In today's time, we hope for a phone call the next day from men. We do not even necessarily even expect that, anymore. Therefore, that is what we receive. Years ago, men were expected to care for women and protect them. Women have become extremely independent in recent years, and we do not really need as much from men anymore.
The view of women has changed, which is a wonderful thing! But this also aids in the end of chivalry because, many times, women mistake chivalry for men thinking a women cannot take care of themselves. Again, I am guilty of this and other women are, too. We want men to know that we are their equals so we do not want their help, but sometimes a helping hand from a man is an example of chivalry -- not dependence. We women need to realize this. If we continue to push men away, in that sense, then they will not want to offer us help because they will not want to be told no, and feel stupid. Many of men's chivalrous actions are ignored.
Again, I want to emphasize that, ultimately, men have the choice. They are the ones who decide how they treat women, but I do believe women have a greater influence on men’s behavior then we actually believe.
