Scrub-a-dub-dub, I'm chillin' in the tub... or the shower. Lather, rinse, repeat. These are the instructions we follow when bathing. We soap, we shave, we shampoo, condition, and more. The shower is where we go to get clean -- yes physically, but also mentally. For some of us, it's the quietest moments of our day. It's the five - ten-minute break we get from screaming kids or siblings. It's a place where homework and paperwork can't follow you. It's a private time to either start or unwind from the day. This means different things for different people, so while we lather, rinse, and repeat, we secretly do so much more in our sacred time of showering. Let's just be real. Here's what we actually do in the shower:
1. Dance
Don't deny it. We all live out our childhood fantasies of being a ballerina. My leg is already awkwardly propped up against the wall while I try to shave. Might as well pretend I look graceful doing it. I'm also a pop sensation.
2. Sing
If I'm gonna dance, I'm gonna need a soundtrack. From that remix of "Bulletproof" to the hits from Broadway's Wicked, the shower is the best place to belt it out. It might be the amazing acoustics of the room or the running water drowning out the actual sound of my voice, but I think I sound pretty good in there. Maybe I should go pro.
3. Accept my Oscar
I would like to first off thank my parents for paying this water bill. Thank you to Pantene, Dove soap, and Clean and Clear face wash. I wouldn't be here without your endless support. No. No, I am not crying; I just have soap in my eye. Shout out to my razor for sometimes hurting me in order to help me and to my towel for always comforting me.
4. Rehearse what I should have said
Remember that conversation you had three years ago? It's far too late to present the perfect apology, explanation, or expression of emotion now, but still we plan everything we should have said. It's perfect. It's thoughtful. It's poetic. It's useless now, but at least I still think about it every day with crippling regret.
5. Cry
After such an emotional out-poor, how can we not cry? The shower is the perfect place! No one is around, and the tears blend right in with the water. Even if you're not sad, have a good cry. You will feel better. 10/10 recommend.
6. Catch up on some light reading
Need a few more moments to yourself before going back into the hectic responsibilities of being an adult? Take a look at your shampoo bottle. Sometimes there's some really interesting stuff to learn. Cleanses and moisturizes? Nice! Repairs and protects damaged hair? I'm all for it! Tear-free? Then why am I still crying?
7. Celebrity impressions
Not to brag, but I have perfected my Forrest Gump impression. "I JUST FELT LIKE RUNNIN'." ...what no! I'm not running away from anything! I told you, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
