When I was younger I was never really confident in myself. Outside of school work I was never sure of myself. I tried a bunch of different sports, but I never found something that I stuck with for more than a few seasons. I was in band but I was never the best in my section. I was an artist but I was always surrounded by people with much more talent and experience than I had. To top it off I was never comfortable in my own skin. Kids can be mean, so as soon as I started gaining weight or breaking out someone found a way to point it out.
No matter how well I was doing at something, there was always someone or something that could make me lose my confidence. Even when I left my public school district to start fresh at a private school in the next town over, this lack of confidence followed me. But I started to branch out. I joined my school's track team, I found friends who shared my interests and passions, and slowly, I started to come into my own.
By the time senior year rolled around I was significantly more comfortable in my own skin than I had ever been before. But then when I started applying to schools I found myself slipping back into old habits. I questioned each and every decision I made to an absurd level. I wasn't reassured by the statistics or by my school counselor. I was so nervous, I had absolutely no faith in myself.
After picking a school, I started to get back on my feet. I was happy with my decision, and I couldn't wait for the next chapter of my life. But any college student will tell you, the transition is unlike anything else. I had no idea what to expect. I was worried that I would slip back into my shell of unease and let my insecurities get the best of me. Thankfully, that's not at all what happened.
I got to school and became a version of myself I didn't know existed. I declared a major that I'm passionate about, I joined a sports team that I love, and I found friends I hope to have for life. Now, when I walk around with confidence, nothing is artificial. I am comfortable with who I am and I know what I'm capable of.
If I could go back to the girl I was in middle and high school I would tell her that none of it matters. Those guys who thought insecurities made the best punch lines? Their opinions have no effect on my life. The girls who bullied you because of who you were friends with? They don't have the amazing friends you have now. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that the cruel words and struggles I faced would lead me to become the confident and independent woman I am today.
