It’s OK to be frustrated; I get frustrated, too.

Anxiety setting in feels like someone just dropped two tons of bricks on my chest. I feel out of control of everything around me, and I just feel sick. I know that dealing with me when it stirs up its dirty head is scary and frustrating for everyone involved. In this article, I am telling you what I want you to know about when I am the middle of the storm, from my perspective.

I hope you know it isn’t your fault. When I am in the midst of a meltdown and all I can focus on is nothing, half of the time, I don’t know how to breathe. Please do not be defensive or use a defensive tone. It only makes my heart race more and my nerves worse. It is not your fault, just please comfort me. Know that in this time, my self-esteem will be worse and that I will believe everything is my fault, and I will feel like a burden. I just need reassurance and love in this period.

Try your best to remain calm for me. Trust me, I know that it isn’t the easiest to do, but if you are anxious and all over the place, it is only going to make things worse for me. Now that I am level-headed, I need you to know that I will get through this, just at this moment I don’t feel like it. Without something calm comes calamity.

Sometimes I need you to take control. When I don’t know what is up from down, I need you to gently tell me what to do. Please don’t assume that I can tell you what I need. You don’t have to be a mind reader, but in this moment, I don’t know what I properly need. I know this is something that is the most frustrating, but I can’t make clear decisions right now so a little guidance is extremely helpful and it takes so much burden off me, even from the most remote tasks.

Important tips.

• Holding me is more helpful than you know. Affectionate acts reassure me that you are here and love me and that I am not bothering you.
• TONE! This is one of my biggest stressors. If your tone is accusatory or defensive, it is going to make it worse every time. It heightens my heart rate and anxiousness. It is only going to secure my feeling of burdening you, and I will want to just completely shut down. Low soothing voice or whispering can shift my mind into a calmer state. Talk to me about your day or plans. Tell me about my favorite food, a joke, or any mundane topic can help me. Speaking encouraging words help here.
• Breathing is a simple task that will help me not faint, and will serve the purpose of calming me.
• If you can’t be there, just hearing your voice can help me.

Know that all these tasks I am asking you to do make you a super human in my eyes. I know that it is difficult to live with someone with anxiety. I have lived with her every day. I love you so much and I would do anything in my capability to make you happy. The fact that you can stand by me through this is a testament that we can survive anything. Before the most beautiful rainbow comes rain, and you know what is under rainbows — gold.

If you can withstand the tears and storms, I assure you that only great things will come of us after. It will be a lot of work, but it will be more than worth it.

I love you.