What To Do When You Lose The Love Of Your Life (And It's Your Fault)

What To Do When You Lose The Love Of Your Life (And It's Your Fault)

A Guide for Everyday People Who Makes Mistakes
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It's three o'clock in the morning. You can't sleep. Your brain is racing at 1000 miles per minute. The tears are flowing like you're watching a Grey’s Anatomy marathon. The exact moment where it all went wrong is imprinted into your mind outlined by a huge marquee. They were your best friend. Your better half. Your soulmate. You talked about travelling the world, getting married, growing old together. But now they’re gone. One mistake ruined it all. Your mistake. No matter how much you linger with the thought of taking it all back, it’s too late. What do you do when you lose the love of your life and it’s your fault?

Accountability

Yes. It sucks. It hurts. BAD. And yes, your feelings of sadness are still valid even though your actions ultimately caused the end of the relationship. It was one mistake, everybody makes them, but you have to own up to it and accept what you did and how it negatively affected the relationship. You have to take accountability that you hurt the person closest to you. It will not only help the other person heal, but it will also help you move on and to forgive yourself.

Making it Right

You’ve apologized, begged and cried a million times, but that won’t fix their pain. What will alleviate the other person’s heartache is something quite simple: time. Time fixes everything. It will heal the other person while also enabling you to come to accept what you have done. Give that person enough time and don’t try to put yourself first. They deserve to heal without being pressured into speeding up the process. And who knows? Maybe one day they will forgive you and want to give you another chance; just give it time.

Moving On

BRING ON THE ICE CREAM, NETFLIX AND PJS. Right? Wrong. You will be sad. You will want to sit around and mope all day about what you’ve lost. You’ll never want to leave your house and slowly succumb into spinsterhood and get eaten by the neighborhood dogs. (Bridget Jones’s Diary anyone?) This is not the healthy way to cope. You’ve already taken accountability for the damage you have done, you’ve apologized and tried to make it right, but sometimes it is just too late. We all know the annoying “It gets better” crap, but really, it does. Get up. Go clean yourself up. Workout. (Endorphins= J) Be productive. Listen to music. Time will go on, you’ll meet new people and have new experiences and the heartache will eventually deteriorate. The most important part about all of this is that it was a learning experience. You screwed up, owned up to it, made it as right as you possibly could, and vowed to never do it again.

Cover Image Credit: Widescreen Wallpapers

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To The 20-Year-Old Girl Dating A 45-Year-Old Man, From The Child Of An Age Gap Relationship

Please know what your getting into.
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Recently, I've seen a few stories on the Odyssey discussing age gap in relationships.

They all seem to be written by girls who are dating men who are 20 years or more their senior. The articles talk about how love is love, the heart wants what it wants and that no one will change their mind about their relationship. I respect everyone's right to their opinion and their happiness. If you really think it works for you, then go for it. However, you should know what you are getting into completely before fully committing to this.

I am a child of parents with a large age gap. My dad is 23 years older than my mom. They got married when he was 50 and she was 26. My dad was 65 by the time I was born. I love my parents but here's why I think we should be wary of large age gap relationships

Disclaimer: my parents both know and understand my feelings on this. They know I wrote this article and that they are mentioned. I wouldn't trade or change them or their relationship. My parents have provided me with a wonderful life full of love, family, and happiness. Because of them, I've been given financial stability, a safe environment, an education and a huge, loving family. Things have worked out for our family, especially given the circumstances. However, that doesn't mean I would recommend a large age gap relationship. It may seem like nothing now, but the years between you and your significant other will catch up to you.

My dad is now 86 and struggling. He has trouble taking care of himself.

He needs help with almost everything. He can't be left alone for more than an hour or two. He has nurses come three times a week to help with his care. He needs someone present when my mom leaves the house to work part-time. His memory is fading, his health is declining and it seems that he slips out of lucidity more often these days.

My mom is now a full-time caregiver more than a wife.

She does an amazing job making sure my dad is content and taken care of. However, it is draining. She is still young enough to want to go out and do things. She wants to go on vacations and hang out friends. But most of the time, she is at home watching my dad. She is following her wedding vows to a tee but that doesn't mean it is easy. She struggles with guilt sometimes over the entire situation.

Then there is me. Because of my parents' age gap, I have been put in a difficult place.

I've had to watch my dad slip away physically and mentally for a good portion of my life. I try to help out but it is not always an easy thing to do. I will go watch TV with him so my mom can get out for an hour. Unfortunately, I usually end up calling her home because something arises that I can't handle alone. I have gone over to their house many times to help pick my dad up because he fell and refuses to let someone call the EMTs. I have changed college and life plans in order to stay close to home. I have known since I was little that my dad most likely won't be there for my wedding. He won't meet my children. I have struggled with my relationship with him due to the immense age gap. It is all I have ever known but it is something that still greatly affects me. I love my dad with everything I have, but that doesn't make the situation easier.

So my warning to you is this; be prepared for what is down the road.

Know that your age difference of 18 and 40 doesn't seem like anything now but it will at 60 and 82. It will be difficult for everyone involved. As a wife, you will slowly watch the man you loved slip away. Your kids will have to deal with struggles that no one else will understand. It is a lonely and painful situation. Before you make any drastic decisions, please understand what is coming.

If you decide that is what's right for you, then, by all means, go for it! but just understand the consequences of your choices.

Cover Image Credit: PX Here

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Loving Someone Was The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me, But So Was Heartbreak

"To know love, we must know heartbreak. As much as I wish people never had to feel heartbreak, it's vital to successful relationships. You took the risk once, well aware that this could happen. Looking back, it is still the best thing that ever happened to you, despite the pain."
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Being in love was arguably the greatest thing that ever happened to me; there is nothing better than finding someone who completes you. When you meet this person, you won't remember how you ever lived without him or her.

Being in love, you transform into someone new.

Every day of your life suddenly becomes the best day when you're with this person. When you hear his or her name, you feel butterflies you can't control.

When you see the person, you're able to smile bigger than you thought humanly possible. Any obstacle seems small because you know your love for each other can overcome it.

You trust this person more than any person in your life. That's why you offer something so valuable: your heart.

You trust this person with every secret. With tears in your eyes, you share dark secrets from your past that still haunt you, and your partner accepts you, regardless.

Being in love is the happiest state in which to live. You have someone who is constantly looking out for you, everywhere you are.

Every love song you hear suddenly reminds you of this, and you used to make fun of your friends who were so were touched by love.

There is a reason for all of the songs and the movies, and there is a reason why people want to have it so badly. It is all it's cracked up to be, and anyone who wants to argue that has probably never been in true love.

But, to fully experience all that love entails requires you to see the other end of the spectrum.

You will never appreciate love as much as those who have fully experienced it, and you will never believe in its power until your world turns completely upside down with two words: "It's over."

When you get your heart broken, no amount of alcohol or talking about it, or anything else can make you feel better.

To love is to become vulnerable to the awful things it can bring: crying yourself to sleep every night, overanalyzing, listening to the most depressing music ever, talking about it to anyone who will listen.

Being heartbroken feels like everything in your life is frozen, like you are stuck in a black hole, falling. Just when you think it will stop, something worse happens.

Along with not recognizing your own reflections, as it takes everything in you to get through a day and look somewhat presentable, you no longer recognize your ex.

Despite everything this person did to you, you would do anything for him or her, if need be.

That's the thing about love; when you find yourself in this desperate dark hole, and you still have the ability to love, that's how you know love is so much stronger than heartbreak.

I hate seeing people who get dumped because I know how hard it is, and I know there is nothing I can say or do to make the pain go away.

But, what I can say is that one day, you will see clearly. One day, that pain you feel every day will stop. One day, things will be better.

To fully know love and appreciate love, you must first know heartbreak. When people get hurt, they decide they never want to feel that low again; they close themselves off to love.

They bury themselves in work and school and everything else to avoid ever opening up to someone so fully. It's OK to stay protected.

It's true that someone will never know you the way your first love did because first loves (specifically, first heartbreaks) change people.

You come to learn about how naïve you were with your first love. But, if you're open to it, you will love again. When you get hurt, you will learn to appreciate the future more.

To know love, we must know heartbreak.

As much as I wish people never had to feel heartbreak, it's vital to successful relationships. You took the risk once, well aware that this could happen. Looking back, it is still the best thing that ever happened to you, despite the pain.

Love and heartbreak are on two ends of the same spectrum; to know one, you must know the other. Know that if you are feeling sad and in the dark, things can only get better and brighter.

Cover Image Credit: kurt-b / Flickr

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