What To Do When You Lose The Love Of Your Life (And It's Your Fault)

What To Do When You Lose The Love Of Your Life (And It's Your Fault)

A Guide for Everyday People Who Makes Mistakes
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It's three o'clock in the morning. You can't sleep. Your brain is racing at 1000 miles per minute. The tears are flowing like you're watching a Grey’s Anatomy marathon. The exact moment where it all went wrong is imprinted into your mind outlined by a huge marquee. They were your best friend. Your better half. Your soulmate. You talked about travelling the world, getting married, growing old together. But now they’re gone. One mistake ruined it all. Your mistake. No matter how much you linger with the thought of taking it all back, it’s too late. What do you do when you lose the love of your life and it’s your fault?

Accountability

Yes. It sucks. It hurts. BAD. And yes, your feelings of sadness are still valid even though your actions ultimately caused the end of the relationship. It was one mistake, everybody makes them, but you have to own up to it and accept what you did and how it negatively affected the relationship. You have to take accountability that you hurt the person closest to you. It will not only help the other person heal, but it will also help you move on and to forgive yourself.

Making it Right

You’ve apologized, begged and cried a million times, but that won’t fix their pain. What will alleviate the other person’s heartache is something quite simple: time. Time fixes everything. It will heal the other person while also enabling you to come to accept what you have done. Give that person enough time and don’t try to put yourself first. They deserve to heal without being pressured into speeding up the process. And who knows? Maybe one day they will forgive you and want to give you another chance; just give it time.

Moving On

BRING ON THE ICE CREAM, NETFLIX AND PJS. Right? Wrong. You will be sad. You will want to sit around and mope all day about what you’ve lost. You’ll never want to leave your house and slowly succumb into spinsterhood and get eaten by the neighborhood dogs. (Bridget Jones’s Diary anyone?) This is not the healthy way to cope. You’ve already taken accountability for the damage you have done, you’ve apologized and tried to make it right, but sometimes it is just too late. We all know the annoying “It gets better” crap, but really, it does. Get up. Go clean yourself up. Workout. (Endorphins= J) Be productive. Listen to music. Time will go on, you’ll meet new people and have new experiences and the heartache will eventually deteriorate. The most important part about all of this is that it was a learning experience. You screwed up, owned up to it, made it as right as you possibly could, and vowed to never do it again.

Cover Image Credit: Widescreen Wallpapers

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An Open Letter to the Guy I'm Finally Getting Over

I think I'm ready to listen to the happy Taylor Swift songs again.
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I remember when all of this started. I couldn't have predicted you if I'd tried. I was so focused on myself that it took me a while to even admit I was interested in you. You were the one I didn't see coming, and then before long, you were the one I couldn't imagine leaving.

I'll be honest. I lied to myself and to everyone else for a long time. “We aren't anything serious," I'd say. “I'm just having fun." How stupid was I to think that I could resist getting caught up in you? Those months that we spent together were some of the best of my life. I didn't think it was possible for a someone to make me laugh like you did, to make me feel the way you did. You brought out a side of me I had never seen before, and even though that scared me, I didn't want it stop.

You had me so fooled.

One day, just like that, you were gone, and before I knew it I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. I couldn't imagine how someone I had given so much to could just leave like that and not even look back. The months after that was a string of waking up and losing you all over again, telling my friends I was fine one second and crying to them the next. And the second I started thinking I was okay, I saw you again. We talked, I cried, I yelled, you cried, you yelled, and for a couple weeks I pretended that everything would be okay, and you really meant it this time and we would make it. But just like before, it wasn't real.

Realizing that took me longer than I'd like to admit, but this is what I need you to know: I'm moving on. Finally, after months of dialing your number just to talk myself out of it, I can say that I'm moving on. I won't listen to sad songs anymore. I won't look at our pictures and re-live the days we spent together. I'm erasing every trace of you. I'm smiling brighter, I'm laughing louder, and if it's the last thing I do, I swear I'll find something that's better than what we had.

That's not to say that your memory won't knock the breath out of me on a Tuesday afternoon when our song comes through my headphones. That's not to say that I won't remember the promises you made me and want to scream at myself for ever believing you. But the difference is that I'll recognize the pain in those memories, and then I'll set them down and walk away. Because I'm done carrying them with me and I'm done giving you that power over me.

So don't call me up someday when I've finally forgotten your laugh; don't think about me at all if you can help it. You lost that right when you made the choices you did. This isn't some stupid love story we'll tell later down the road about how we beat the odds and came through stronger on the other side. This is done, do you understand? I'm finally done.

Years from now I'll look back on the adventures we had and laugh at how crazy we were. I'll remember the fierce happiness I felt while we were running wild together and I'll be grateful for this because it has molded me in ways I can't begin to explain. Someday I'll tell my daughter about you and pray that she learns from my mistakes, and when that day comes I'll wonder where you are and genuinely wish you the kind of happiness that I will have found.

I know you'll never read this. But I'll read this, on those nights when it feels like everything is starting to fall apart. Again and again and again, I'll read this and remind myself of the promise I'm making at this very moment, to look forward and stop letting your memory dictate my happiness. Someone wise once said, “Suddenly you'll just know, that it's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings." Well I'm trusting that this was just one short chapter of my book, and this is me turning the page.

Onto the next.

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To The Boy I Took For Granted From The Girl Who Ghosted You

I wish I could tell you all of this in person...

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Dear Boy I took for granted,

I am sorry. Not because it didn't work out the first time, but because I told you I wanted to give it another chance when I wasn't entirely sure. I let peer pressure get the best of me and let my friend who wanted to play matchmaker the power to say things I was too scared to say, and allow her to press send. We were in a good place until I irresponsibly messed with your emotions. It is one of my biggest regrets in life.

I was apprehensive. I had only ever dated one guy in high school who had broken my heart, so I had my guard up. But despite that, you continually proved to me how great you were and how a person should be treated. I always looked forward to the next time we would hang out, what we would cook next, or what adventure you would take me on.

Everything changed when my friend told me a rumor when my friends and I were a little tipsy. It planted the seed of doubt in my mind that you only wanted to spend time with me so you could get the one thing that every guy in high school wanted. I was a nervous bundle of conflicting emotions and I didn't know what to do. I eventually drew back and ghosted you.

Things were weird for a few months, as I expected, but I soon started to question whether I trusted the right person. I decided to extend the olive branch and wished you a happy birthday. Things between us started to feel normal again. At least I knew we were in a good place.

By this time, it was second semester of my senior year. I was over at my friend's house late one night when she asked me why we never worked out. After explaining things to her, she was set on seeing us together again. She thought we were meant to be, and part of me wanted to believe her. She took my phone and told me she would text you as me, saying that I wanted to start things over. I passively let it happen.

When I got home, I started to process what I had done. I was consumed by that dreadful anxiety one gets after sending a risky text and I panicked. I, then, texted you saying that I had changed my mind. Again, I am sorry. In retrospect, I should have never let my friend send that first one. But now I have to deal with the embarrassment of leaving things awkward between us.

I wish I could tell you all of this in person, but realistically I know that things like this just needs time. I know things can't work between us since I messed everything up but just know that I never intended any of this to happen. I hope you are doing well and that this letter reaches you.

Sincerely,

The girl who ghosted

Cover Image Credit:

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