There I was at a Fourth of July party with a couple of friends just enjoying the evening. It was a particularly crisp afternoon for early July, but we didn’t mind because we had just come through a scorching hot week. The smell of barbecue scattered through the air with a particularly enticing aroma and the sound of children filled the background with joyful laughter as they slid down a water slide. For the first time since graduation, I felt relaxed.

The last couple of months had been so busy, there hadn’t been much time to just sit down and soak up the environment around me. From finding an apartment that would suit my needs (and my budget) to looking for a job that could help me pay for said apartment, there wasn’t much else I could dedicate my time to. The busyness of adult life had caught up to me rather quickly, and I found myself in a less-than-satisfied state of mind. The grandiose dreams that had developed inside my mind about future and status for the past four years had suddenly been swept away with the cold, hard reality that adulthood was really a challenge. The old song (and by old, I mean 2003) by Stacie Orrico rang in my head louder and louder every morning. “There’s gotta be more to life,” I would sing in my shower.

Woe is me, right?

But there was a particular conversation that I had at this Fourth of July party that quickly changed my mind, and for the better, might I add.

So there I was, eating my bacon-wrapped tenderloin (delicious by the way) and sipping on my Diet Pepsi, when an elderly man, about 60, started to chat with me.

We quickly found out that we had a lot in common. We had the same undergraduate degree. We had lived in the same states as each other. We were both interested in the same sorts of hobbies.

Oh, and there was one more thing that we shared in common. We both had ambitions.

See, his ambitions, though slightly different in nature, had been just as impressive as mine when he graduated college all those years ago. He too had gone to a small, private school and done pretty well for himself there. He had the same plunge into adult life and had encountered the same early struggles that I was currently facing. And he too had felt a little discouraged through those growing pains. So I expected that he was going to give me advice on how to overcome these problems and just keep pressing on. I was wrong.

I quickly learned that he was still just as miserable as he was when he graduated all those years ago. He told me story after story about how he was not selected for the job that he wanted, how relationships did not seem to go his way, and how his ambitions faded from reality to imagination. He kept comparing himself to people he had gone through school with and how successful they had become, and how he was still in the same dead-end line of work that he had endured for years. Comparisons were made between his career and those of whom he had graduated with (Three now currently university presidents). He sounded miserable. And then I began to think to myself, “Is this how I sound?”

I had a reality check in that moment and the results hit me hard. Not only was I not trying to think positively, I was downright hurting my image to the people around me. What had been a pretty happy-go-lucky personality had tarnished into that of someone who was always feeling sorry. And, like I had felt talking to that man, I quickly realized that that was how people were beginning to view me.

The thought scared me, and I have been meditating on what to say. There is still so much life ahead of me, and though it feels like an eternity, the current state I am in is only a season. So the question rattles inside my head even now, and as a preacher, I once heard asked, “What do you do when you just don’t know what to do?”

It’s a perplexing question and one that does not have an immediate answer. At this point, all I know is that I want to be more proactive in my life than the gentleman that I talked to at that party had been. I want to make more choices now and seek more opportunity so that I can better position myself to be more successful throughout my lifetime.

So, in saying that, I thought up a few things that night when I couldn’t fall asleep. I didn’t have a piece of paper, so I wrote them on a napkin that I had from McDonald’s. This list is not a fix-all to my problem or to anyone else’s, but I think that they will begin to help orient me on the right path towards more comprehensive success that leads me toward my ambitions. Above all, I always want to be viewed as a guy who can overcome adversity with confidence and wisdom, seeking the help of Father God in every decision I make.

Pray: As could have been predicted; this Sunday school type of answer is as strong an option as any. If you believe what you are saying is truly heard by God, you should have no issue coming to Him in this intimate way. And, moreover, if you believe that you have been called by God to do what you are ambitious for, then setting time aside to chat with Him can clear your mind and help determine that path going forward.

Seek Wise Counsel: I have so many mentors in my life that constantly pour into me that you would think this one would be easy. But in my stubbornness, I find that I do not always follow through with what is said to me. The help that people give you is only as effective as how well you utilize it. So, in my situation, if a professor that I know and trust tells me to do something, I better do it. After all, if I am too lazy to carry out said task, am I really passionate about what I want to do?

Find Genuine Connections: There is a key word in that. It is genuine. I have the problem where I sometimes will only introduce myself to someone if I think that it can help get me on the fast track to success. So many times, I have burned bridges doing that, when, in retrospect, if I would have just taken the time to get to know them and share my passion with them, the connection would have been more real and more helpful. Take some time to find those connections, but once you do, maintain them through intentional friendship. And, if something never does pan out, at least you have one more friend on your side.

Reflect on the Season that You Are In: This last one may not seem as important, but it truly is. I may not be where I want to be vocationally or otherwise, but the skills I’m learning now that seem so medial will come in handy when I least expect it. I am learning every day to take notes on stuff that doesn’t feel important, but in the grand scheme, is. And, I know that in the end, it will all be worth it.