What To Do When Someone "Comes Out'
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

What To Do When Someone "Comes Out'

Because LGBTQ+ people don't come with instructions.

65
What To Do When Someone "Comes Out'
Iowa State Daily

Disclaimer: this account is based off of my personal experiences and my opinion as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. Preferences and results may vary.

Recently, I finally built up the courage to publicly come out to friends and family members on Facebook. It might have come as a bit of a shock to some, while at the same time, some people told me they've known all along. Either way, I anxiously read through the comment section, replied graciously to congratulatory messages, and felt my heart race as the 'likes' on my status multiplied. I am lucky that I was met with such positive and loving support, but it made me realize how uncomfortable people become when they are afraid to say the wrong thing.

While it isn't uncommon to be part of or know somebody in the LGBTQ+ community, some people haven't had to experience a loved one or friend coming out of the closet. Personally, I was the first one on my mom's side of the family to be openly queer. Coming out was a big deal for me, because it took me a very long time to not only accept, but love and embrace who I am.

To some people, coming out doesn't feel necessary, and unfortunately, some people cannot come out at all. It isn't always a big deal, and it doesn't always end positively. But coming out publicly is a unique and personal experience that feels both uncomfortable and secure.

So: What do you do when someone you know 'comes out'?

It's actually a lot simpler than you might think. Some people believe that staying silent is best, to avoid saying the wrong thing. In my experience, this isn't the best. While it isn't hurtful, it isn't necessarily helpful either. By coming out, your loved one is acknowledging a small part of them. You don't have to make a huge scene, but mutually acknowledging it can help someone feel more comfortable and as if there isn't a huge elephant in the room. If you don't voice your support, your loved one could feel as if you are uncomfortable with that part of who they are.

There is another misconception that because this person publicly came out, they would be comfortable discussing their sexuality and relationships at length. While they are revealing something kind of personal, it doesn't have to get that personal.

You should also try to save most of your questions for google. The last thing I wanted after I came out was to be interviewed, or have to answer some questions that might come across as ignorant. As much as I'd love to educate people on LGBTQ+ issues, it gets a little frustrating when somebody asks, "So which one of you pays for the dates?" Some things just shouldn't have to be explained.

The best advice I can give is to speak up. Not everyone is in need of reassurance from the people around them, but it is better to acknowledge and support that person than to not. Defend your LGBTQ+ friends and family no matter what. Be proud of their pride. Do not make the situation about yourself by sharing your own experiences unless it would be considered helpful. For me, coming out took years. It was a ton of hard work that was invisible to most people around me. I can finally live my life without feeling the weight of a 'secret' on my back.

All members of the LGBTQ+ community deserve respect, support, and reassurance, whether they are publicly out or not.

So when people asked me what they should say or do to help me, the answer was simple:

Consider what it would feel like to be in this situation right now. Respect me and my life, and who and how I love. Think about whether you are being helpful or hurtful. Say something kind.


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

54606
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

35135
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

957378
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

183632
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments