My bright green journal felt heavier than usual as I held it in my hands and began to write. I was spending time with the Lord, and feeling incredibly inadequate as I did so. My thoughts and heartfelt denser than the book I sat clutching.
I scribbled a view lines about feeling empty and lacking before looking up.
On the shelf in front of me was the book filled with my wedding photos. The cover piqued my interest. The image of Alex and I exchanging a kiss reminded me of something I had forgotten: the fact that God is so faithful to do the seemingly impossible. He provided me with a gentleman who loved God more than He loved me and in the process gave me nothing less than the man of my dreams.
A gentle tugging on my heart prompted me to lift the book of the stand and start to flip through it. As soon as I did memories began flooding back. There were pictures of my stunning bridesmaids clad in forest green dresses and Alex’s groomsmen, well suited in their handsome grey. I flipped the page to see Sammie, my sweetheart of a niece, leaning her head against my shoulder. A flood of warmth and joy ravished my heart as I looked into her eyes and remembered the tears we shared as we parted ways.
I flipped to the next page. On it was a picture of my father. I took notice of the fact that his face was slightly lifted with pride yet scrunched. A subtle trail of tears streamed from his cheeks. I was tucked into his black suit, my face obscured by his shoulder.
A gentle, strong voice addressed me and began whispering to my heart.
“Katie, my darling daughter. This picture you see is but a small reflection of how my heart feels towards you, overwhelmed, ravished.” A rush of warmth filled the caverns of my hollow heart as soon as these words were spoken to my soul. He continued to whisper.
“I rejoice in your victories and cry with you when you are hurt and feeling defeated but Katie I want you to know I have already won for you. Your life has been bought with a price and for a purpose. You may feel as though you are failing but you cannot fail, not when I am on your side. I love you Beautiful. You are called to do great things because I will enable them in You. I love you Beautiful.”
Not surprisingly, tears started pouring from my cheeks, soaking my neck and yellow shirt. I hadn’t felt this alive since the last time I had allowed His voice to speak so clearly into my life. The thank you I gave began as a stammer before exploding into a passionate declaration.
“God…God….my God. You are so good. Please continue to reveal the crazy amount of love you have for me. Please continue to show me what your purpose is for me in this life. You have a purpose for my life. You have a purpose for every life. I love you more than life Abba, Father.”
“I will love you forever Katie. You are mine forever Katie.”
His words rejuvenated something dead in my soul.
Today, I would like you to know that He is your Father as well. Does this seem like a foreign concept? I encourage you to start to see Him as such with this in mind: any good memory you have of your father, any trait in Him that you appreciated (his protective nature, strong hand, guidance) are reflections of the Father and His good thoughts towards you. Any feelings of joy, peace, protection and love you felt from your earthly father are but small reflections of the sheer delight your Heavenly Father has for you.
Please, allow yourself to sit down, quiet your heart and allow yourself to have faith like a child. Believe He will meet you and speak to you when you most need it, just as a child would with their father. While there, ask Him to show you how loving a Father He really is. He will not disappoint you.
What I have said is a guarantee because Love never fails, no matter how far gone we think or feel we might be.
K.L Pezzutto
