How I Overcame My Depression
Health and Wellness

Depression Is A Beast That Comes To Ruin The Life You Want, But I'm Living Proof That There IS Hope

Your rock bottom doesn't mean it's over.

Depression Is A Beast That Comes To Ruin The Life You Want, But I'm Living Proof That There IS Hope

Content warning: Article discusses suicide.

"You don't deserve to live anymore." Those fateful words came at the peak of my depression. On a warm June night my junior year of high school, that monster that plagued my mind finally beat me. It had ruined my relationship with my family, hurt the people that I loved, and most of all, destroyed my self-worth. I walked into the bathroom, took 30, 300mg pills of my back pain medication, hobbled into my room, and passed out. I was broken and I didn't care who I hurt in the process.

My depression finally won, and for me, I thought that was the end.

But it wasn't. The next morning I woke up with tears flooding my eyes in shock of what I had just tried to do, and yet I chose not to tell anyone. Instead, I moved on, pretending it had never happened. I started letting depression and anxiety run rampant in my life, spiraling me into a chaos of drugs, alcohol, women, or anything that could help me feel something. I was desperate, and I sought the pleasures of this world as an answer to my inner emptiness.

Of course, this didn't work and I attempted suicide two more times.

I was lucky that I had someone looking out for me. The last time I tried to end my life I remember writing a note telling everyone that I was so sorry and that they will be better without me. Then, I looked up and audibly said, "God if you are real, don't let me kill myself." I was an atheist, and if God didn't make himself known at that moment my life would have come to an end. I couldn't kill myself that night. It isn't that I stopped on the spot or decided not to do it, I was determined. What happened was every knife, rope, key, pill, or chemical was miraculously gone or hidden from me. I sat down and wept until I fell asleep.

Two weeks later a girl from Antioch Community Church met my best friend from high school. She invited us to church and on the first worship song I felt something I had never felt before. I'm not talking about judgment or religion. I felt the true love and presence of God come over me and I knew in my heart it was real. So I dove in, I tore my suicide note to pieces right in front of my church leader, I signed up for everything I could, and I was saved from depression and suicide forever. The moral of this is that I couldn't save myself, I wanted to die with everything I had, but he had a different plan for me.

So now you may be asking, is this the answer to mental health? Do we just need God and all of our problems will be solved miraculously one day?

Well to answer that I frankly don't know what you need. Depression is a beast that plagues millions of people all over the world. It comes to kill and destroy the life that you want to live and it doesn't matter if you love God or not. I tried the suicide hotline, the self-help books, and I read every article I could to find the cure. They just didn't work for me. I needed Jesus, and I can speak only on behalf of myself when I tell you that the cure to my depression wasn't church pews or the Bible. It wasn't some eloquent sermon that a pastor preached to me while I was in a button-down and slacks. It came when I asked Jesus to come and save me while in my sweatpants and slightly stained grey shirt. He came when I had nowhere else to go.

I know people reading this may be skeptical, and that is OK. I was skeptical too. The only form of Christianity I had seen are hypocrites who judge others, hate everyone who thinks differently, and go to church on Sunday to thump their Bibles at the "sinners" of the world. Jesus isn't like that, and neither are a lot of his churches, he is alive today and he loves you. If the medicine isn't working, and the therapy isn't working, and you are at the end with nowhere to go. Ask God to reveal himself. He is faithful to answer those who ask and mean what they are asking. He saved me, and He can save you too.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Report this Content

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less

7 Things You Need To Know About Our NEW Bachelorette, Tayshia Adams

Could THIS be the most dramatic season in "Bachelorette" history?

Bombshell news coming from Bachelor Nation today, Tayshia Adams is replacing Clare Crawley as the bachelorette!

Rumor has it that Clare found her person early on in the process and did not want to continue with the process of leading other men on throughout the season.

Keep Reading... Show less

The NBA is back, and for basketball fans, like myself, it has been the BEST news we have heard since COVID-19 shutdown play indefinitely. I mean, come on, we need to see if James Harden can once again perform so well he has back-to-back 50 point games, Kawhi can lead another team to the championship title, and whether Giannis is going to be back-to-back MVP... among like 500 other things running through our heads!

In the midst of all of the amazing statistics and records that these players are breaking, though, we also just love the NBA because well, there are some pretty good looking guys out there. Here are the 19 hottest NBA players (in no particular order) you would totally let slam dunk on you now that the NBA has returned.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Everything You Need To Know About Macronutrients, Because A Diet Should Be More Than Calories

Pay attention to what you're eating, not just how much you're eating.

Plenty of people are familiar with the "calories in, calories out" (CICO) method of dieting which can be used for losing, gaining, or maintaining weight. This method relies on calculating a person's total daily energy expenditure (TDEE) to ensure that they are not overeating or undereating to achieve their desired weight. TDEE considers a person's height, weight, age, gender, and level of activity to determine what their caloric intake should be — some calculators can factor in body fat percentage as well. When I used a TDEE calculator online, it said that my TDEE would be 1,990 calories if I was trying to maintain my weight, but are all calories created equal? I'd argue that they're not.

It might seem obvious to some of you that 1,990 calories of macaroni and cheese are not healthy at all compared to 1,990 calories of varied foods (fruit, veggies, meat, bread, etc.).

Keep Reading... Show less

Just Because You're Asked To Be In A Wedding, Doesn't Always Mean You Should Say Yes

If you can't invest time, money, and YOURSELF, maybe say no to the offer for the bride's sake!

Being in a wedding is a really big commitment. I personally think if you've never been in one before, you don't understand the time, money, and energy that goes into being a part of it.

Keep Reading... Show less

- Though as a little girl, I had the silkiest, softest hair that would get compliments everywhere I went, since I turned about thirteen I've since had coarse, dry hair no amount of deep conditioning masks or sulfate-free shampoo could fix.

- I started using the Raincry's Condition Boar Bristle Brush several months ago, and while I noticed that my hair had been softer, silkier, and shinier than it had ever been, I didn't make the connection because I never thought a simple hairbrush could make any difference in my hair texture.

- I will be the first to admit that I thought it was ridiculous to spend nearly a hundred dollars on a hairbrush, but this one eliminates the need for me to use any heat tools or styling products on it.

- I put some oil or a serum in my hair when it's wet, brush my hair with the boar bristle brush once it's dry, and end up with the lowest maintenance, shiniest hair I've had since I was 8 years old.


Keep Reading... Show less

Bingeing a romantic comedy is always a good idea, and during this pandemic, these movies bring us one of the only elements of romance we can get. Through all the break-ups, obstacles, and struggles in our love lives, romantic comedies have always been there to make us laugh and keep us company while we cry.

While we love these movies for the beyond gorgeous male love interests, the female protagonists are still the ones we always remember. Although rom-coms are far from reality, it is always fun to imagine what our life would be like if a cinematic studio was behind our love life. So what does your favorite romantic comedies say about your dream guy?

Keep Reading... Show less

Whether you're in an unhealthy relationship currently, you know someone who is, or you just want to have these numbers saved just in case it could one day save someone's life (if not your own), this article is for you. Here are three numbers to save in your contacts ASAP so you can always be safe, both physically and mentally, in every relationship.

Keep Reading... Show less

As any poor college student, a little kick of caffeine for less than a dollar has always sounded great to me. So, naturally, AriZona Iced Tea has been a go-to for as long as I can remember.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

Dear Closeted Latina,

You were never alone.

Remember how the Latin world got rocked when Ricky Martin came out?

Keep Reading... Show less

If you're anything like me, you're probably anxious about going back to college. The uncertainty of nearly everything is stressful and makes it difficult to prepare for going back to campus. Take it one step at a time and remain calm! If nothing else, take a look at this list of six essentials for living on campus during the COVID-19 pandemic! You got this!

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments