You've graduated or are about to graduate from college. Congratulations! Perhaps you've achieved all your dreams and eternal happiness by now, but if you're like the 99.9% of other people you might be just as lost now as you were in your Mathematics 101 course. Here's a list of the ten things you need to do after college.

10. Cry

Let's be honest now. You've probably already mastered this by now. One does not simply complete college without crying. And now that you've graduated, there's no clear purpose in life. No set schedule, no routine, maybe no friends. Crying is a perfect substitution for all these things and more.

9. Call your Parents

Speaking of not having a schedule, you finally have time to do the things you always kinda wanted to do, but never took priority. If you can't tell where I'm going with this, I'd call your parents. Maybe they'll cry with you.

8. Eat Better or Worse Food

The college dining hall always had food that was halfway between really bad and really good, but now that you're outta there, you get to make the final say in how you eat. Do you join the Lite side and live off of low fat yogurts? Or join the Dark side? I heard the Dark side has cookies...

7. Find and Rent an Apartment

Graduating from college can really bite sometimes, especially after they kick you out of your dorm or townhouse. And you don't want to live with your parents again, do you? You've already lived with them for at least 18 years for Pete's sake! Don't let your personal and fiscal freedom pass you by; get an apartment. If you can't find an affordable apartment, read #10 again, followed by #9.

6. Find Love

Whether it's a cat, a dog, or a human, we are people who need something to love. And if you're the lucky type you'll find that something that loves you back. Personally speaking, I recommend Consumerism. It's that true kind of Give-and-Take relationship with Walmart that keeps me going through the week.

5. Get a Job

You know that thing you're parents were always talking about... Yeah! That's right! A job! Now more than ever, you need one, 'cause #4 is coming right around the corner.

4. Pay the Bills

Your college grace period has ended and the first student loan bill has arrived. Who knew that college was so expensive?! At the very least, you only have to pay this bill every month for the next 10 years. Piece of cake. Refer to #5. If that fails, refer to #9 or #3.

3. Rob a Bank

Somebody has to pay the bills, am I right?! It's certainly not going to be you at this point, so might as well take the bank at gun point and make some easy money off of the people who have real jobs.

2. Go to Jail

Okay, so maybe #3 was not such a good idea after all. But hey, look on the bright side! You have a meal plan again, a room (some may call it a cell, but you raise the bar and decorate), and even a roommate again! Unlike college though, being in jail will actually force you to work out, or at the very least work. Your roommate may or may not be a murderer, but that's not an appropriate 'Get-to-Know-You' question.

1. Go Back to College

You were joking when you said "I don't need a Masters," right? How about a Doctorate? Do everything it takes to have a system taking care of you until you become a real adult, an adultier adult. After serving time in jail, you just might want to do your homework! L.O.L.