Moving, at this point for me, is a talent

I've done it 5 times now. I've been to three colleges and lived in four states. I've had extreme culture shock and been clueless about how to get involved in new places, but

there is definitely no culture shock here. Not in a bad way at least. I've been to Oklahoma every single year of my life. I grew up with OU games in the background, with road trips to Sooner nation every Christmas break & more where every single gas station is named after this place. My whole family is from here, and I'm basically purebred Oklahoman.

But that definitely doesn't mean this transition has been easy.

In some ways, it has been the easiest move for me. Being on a campus of thirty thousand people doesn't intimidate me nor does it's physical size, because of my experience at SIUE. After being at Edwardsville, I know that involvement is the most important thing to do outside of my academics, not just for me, but for my resume. & I know how to navigate that. I know how to hustle for internships and jobs using OU connections (which there are tons, it's so insane) & I have 3 interviews just this week.

People are nicer here. It's not that people felt more rude after leaving Texas and going to St. Louis, but it's just harder for people to accept you there. I would try to have conversations with people in classes sometimes my first sem and they would look at me weird. It's about where you're from and where you went to high school and people there usually have pretty deep roots and just sort of stick to them. I think that's an edwardsville thing tho! I mean, you're not really there unless you're IL or stl. So people are less aware to be more open sometimes.

I noticed pretty quickly, okay my first day, that people in my classes at OU were automatically just as open as I was and open to talk to people they didn't know. I saw things that never, ever would of happened in Edwardsville. People on the first day having small talk, realizing they're both from the same city, and handshaking enthusiastically talking about how nice it is to meet them. Sorority girls asking about me and if I was in a house.

I was shook. I saw this a lot! & boys here basically compete to see how quickly they can open the door for you.

The other day I had a convo with a stranger about OU football after he was talking to a Fiji about losing the playoffs because of the kicker, I sort of jumped in and talked about the kicker from small town IL really quickly and then let them finish the convo, but as soon as the fiji was gone the other guy was basically screaming at me in laughter about how I was letting his man down, and the whole team by not being involved with the kicker romantically after he hit on me. But it's cool because next time I see him I'll just let him know I'm still a good luck charm because I'm dating a lineman. Lol.

Southern hospitality is a real thing. It's cool.

But I would say my health is still been something that's concerned me.

I haven't talked to anyone about it, but I've gone through things with this move that I haven't experienced before. Even though I am so so happy to be at the University of Oklahoma, and I truly want to be here more than anywhere else, I think I've just moved one too many times.

It honestly has been really hard on me and has brought me to hard places I've never experienced before. My classes were going well, my family life was going well, but inside I was fighting the darkest things I've ever dealt with.

In all honesty,

I've been lonely for a really, really long time. I think I've been messed up since I left Colorado. Mentally, and emotionally I think I'm damaged. It must be even worse for my siblings who were even younger when we left CO. And my youngest brother is always saying how he doesn't have any friends, even when he does.

Because it's a feeling of like chronic loneliness.

People move, it's a part of life. But I think it always remains a trauma. But at the same time, I'm doing okay! I may not have met my norman bridesmaids yet but I'm working on myself and making sure to hustle to give myself the best experiences possible. It's really hard sometimes. But I'm working on it.

It's definitely a roller coaster. Sometimes I'm okay, most of the time I'm exhausted, and sometimes I find it really really hard to keep pushing. Harder than it's ever been. Sometimes sadder than I've ever been. But this is, in fact, my first semester. And from what I know about moving and what the first few months are like, that's normal.

Maybe in the past few months, I've been slowly saying goodbye. Because I didn't really before.

I didn't have a going away party because I knew the whole time I would cry. Instead, I had friend dates with small groups over and over again and never really saying goodbye. Trying really hard not to cry sometimes, and sometimes crying on the drive home after we hung out. But I still suppressed it hardcore.

To be honest, I wouldn't want to be at OU without first being at SIUE. I don't think I would have felt complete. This campus is too big to feel completely connected right off of the bat, and SIUE gave me the room to grow to learn how to be successful. It taught me my passion for robotics and sustainability, gave me experiences unique to Edwardsville and now that I've had them I wouldn't trade them. It gave me the building blocks to create something beautiful here in Norman.

And I know I'm going to do it. Even though its hard, even though it takes time, and effort, and sometimes heartbreak. I'm going to work to be the best version of myself here and create a life that St. Louis me would be proud of.

Sometimes we get angry or upset because things don't just happen for us.

And it's because, unless it's random chance as rare as like the lottery, they don't.

Serendipity is great, and I believe in it. My multicolored louis vuitton came to me out of absolute chance and luck.

But sometimes, if you want a second louis vuitton, you have to work for it. You have to put in the effort that serendipity couldn't give you.

Serendipity last week gave me a run in with an aphi who's friends with my theta friend crush, who then invited me to join a volunteer organization she's in.

But I have to choose to put in the work.

I believe in serendipity, but I also know that hustle is her best friend.

Pay attention to the things that happen by chance but don't let them pass you by because you refuse to embrace them.

I truly love St. Louis & So IL. Those were the years that I learned who I was, what I was passionate about, and found my voice. Okay but let's be honest also found my hair extensions and loft wardrobe.

Looking at the next years in OKC, when I was still in IL I looked forward to these moments so much. Of being the girl I learned to be in a bigger, better place.

But I have to give myself grace to be just like devastated of how many goodbyes we just said. I'm sensitive, and goodbyes are my worst talent.

But starting over is my forte.

I forgot about weatherford college, easily. but i didn't forget certain people I fell in love with.

I forgot about middle school and high school drama, slowly, but I didn't forget the mountains or the fact that I had the best girl gang in the state of CO.

And i didn't really think i would expect it but I'm not going to forget Edwardsville.

So yeah, scientists you can basically let me know when it's possible to be in more than one place at once.

But until then, I'm going to make OKC and Norman my absolute bitch.

! :)