Break-ups are rough, to say the least, especially if you have been with the person for years and grew up together. In romantic relationships, there is a slow and steady cohesion that happens between lives. It begins with the need and want to constantly be in the company of each other, eventually the comfort sets in, followed by complacency.

Those who deny the existence of this phenomena have never experienced such attachment. The complacency can occur for any amount of time, especially if the individuals involved just exist around and for each other. It is only broken when someone decides a change needs to be made or an event shakes the relationship, forcing someone to realize the complacency and maybe unhappy state of the relationship.

When this happens it can be unnerving and consume every thought, until action must be taken to either push through and reconnect or part ways. Parting ways is the option that hurts. Breaking up is hurtful for some and a struggle for people coming out of a relationship where the lives revolved and relied on each other.

There are times when you may think about giving it another chance or there is a weird sort of limbo when attachments are difficult to break. Most I know have fallen victim to the “ex-sex,” especially when the relationship has ended because both parties drifted apart. There’s that limbo of attachment-causing confusion and roller coaster emotions.

There will come a day all attachments become broken and the lives are once more sustained on their own, new habits formed, and interests explored. For those that can’t relate to my experience, let me share my story about how I grew to want nothing but pure happiness for my ex. Let me tell you how I was moved to tears of joy to see my ex living and enjoying life with someone else.

My ex and I were together for seven and a half years, I was eighteen and he was twenty- four when we met. I will be the first to admit my intent was not forever, he was my older boyfriend that made me feel grown. My lack of knowledge and need for excitement while finding my own, drew me closer to him and further away from my own life. I was consumed in his life and what he needed almost immediately.

I was the girlfriend he molded me to be and I eventually lost what made me, me; sounds cliché, but is oddly true. I didn’t even notice the life I fell into, especially when my personal traumatic events are factored into the situation. I literally was on auto-pilot, as I like to call it. It is a state of mind when a person can be going through life, seemingly normal, but mentally there is no connection with surrounding world. This occurred around year three and lasted until year five of the relationship.

I woke up one day, literally and mentally, to come to terms with reality. I soon realized I was unhappy and I felt the urge to break away, but complacency and fear kept me there.

As I look back, my ex was just as complacent, but his “wake up” came later. We fought for the relationship, but we eventually came to the conclusion that we wanted different things out of life. I wanted to finish college, get a career, travel, and have fun while my ex was ready for marriage and children, which I felt no urge or desire to make a goal. Long story short, we broke up, but despite the circumstances, I was devastated.

I have been single for four years now trying to find myself and grow. It wasn’t until I found out he was having a baby with his girlfriend did I understand why we had to separate. I looked at the pictures of him and his love taking notice of the brightness in his face, it was the face of true happiness. I compared pictures of us, neither one of our faces had that glow.

Now, this sounds like I am not being sincere and it is something that I can’t fully explain. I was so happy for him to start the family he wanted and find his happiness. His baby girl is healthy and beautiful and looking at her makes everything CLEAR.

I am so thankful for what at the time seemed so jolting, but we had to end so she could be.