When I came into college as a brand new freshman I was super excited. The thrill of going to a new place, being able to have freedom away from my parents, studying something interesting and not having to take any other math classes--it was all a wonderful adventure that I could not wait to start. During orientations and enrollments and tours and conversations, the same advice came up over and over again “get involved” and “make friends,” “party responsibly” and “stay organized”.

Now, the people who were giving this advice (family, older friends, advisors, RA’s, tour guides, strangers even) had the best intentions. They were genuinely trying to give valid, worthwhile and important advice. Cliché advice but advice none the less. I however call bullshit because sure staying organized is important and partying responsibly is always a good idea, but there are much more important things that incoming freshman need to know before starting college!

1. Make friends, but don’t make them your life

Every incoming student wants to make friends with everybody else. You can sit and talk to pretty much everyone and have a genuinely friendly conversation. You get to reinvent yourself and disclose only the information that you want to. It is a fresh start and that is absolutely fabulous. Those first few friends though are not the only people you will meet in college and while they will always be important, they might not be those long term college friends that everyone always talks about. Just try to meet a bunch of people and wait for those real life connections to come along on their own time.

2. Getting involved is not a choice, it is a responsibility

Joining clubs and organizations, playing on sports teams or rushing a fraternity, volunteering and working part time jobs, none of these things are optional. A bachelor’s degree alone is not worth very much to an employer any more. It takes clubs, leadership roles, volunteer experience, awards and recognitions, portfolios, and a bachelor’s degree to even be considered for positions now. Even if you do not necessarily love the club that you joined or have friends in it, the experience it gives you and the ability to put it on your resume are incredibly valuable. Make it work. Especially if it gives you the ability to hold an officer’s position--if that is the case then no excuse. Obviously if you enjoy the extracurricular that you sign up for then all the better, but even if you have no motivation to go out and get involved too bad, do it anyway.

3. 1 in 5 college students is sexually assaulted

The whole party responsibly thing is way too oversimplified for someone who has never had that kind of life to understand. Some people do go to college and manage to stay out of the drinking scene but for most people partying is a part of life and that does not have to be a bad thing. But parties can go wrong. Drunk people can do bad things. One in five college students goes through sexual assault. These things happen. What do you when it is 3 a.m. and you and your best friend are drunk in some apartment in another area and she falls down and hits her head? What do you do when you get cornered by some drunk asshole who wants to put their hand down your pants and you are too out of it to even say a complete sentence? It is important to remember that these things happen and keeping yourself safe should be the number one priority.

4. After the first year, college gets way harder

Freshman year of college, I was completely happy with how easy I found my classes to be. Sure, there were more difficult assignments in college and it was a slightly different type of learning, but I chalked it up to having worked hard enough in high school to be prepared. After the first year, that changed. And not just for me but for everyone. The first year is basically a trial period, easing you into college life. Once that is over things get exponentially harder and life is nowhere near the same as it was during that first oh so exciting semester.

5. College might not end up being the best place for you

Higher education is not for everyone but you might not know that yet. Even if you might know that, pressure from parents, peers, counselors, and even society in general can sometimes be enough to put you somewhere that you might not want to be. College is not going to be easy and while there are benefits to having a degree in whatever field you choose, it is not the only option, despite what we are told year after year growing up. Plenty of people make a good life for themselves without spending the hundreds of thousands of dollars that a degree can cost and if you think that might be a better place for you, the more power to you because that decision takes a lot of guts and a lot of willpower. Find where you actually fit, whether or not college is that place.

6. Nothing is worth going into debt for

Student loans will crush your soul, destroy your future and prevent you from getting what you want out of the world. This is not an exaggeration. Anything more than $5,000 in debt or loans can take a lifetime to pay off, especially if you get yourself into any unforeseen circumstance like an engagement, surprise baby, family issues, medical emergency, or a million other things. Sometimes there is no alternative to taking out a loan or putting your credit card under but unless there is a damn good reason do not let that happen. Wanting a new part dress, going out to a fancy dinner, taking a crazy spring break trip--none of these things will be worth it 30 years from now when your savings account is non-existent because of the loan payments you still have to make.

7. Sex is complicated

Actually I take that back because most sex is not very complicated-- one penis type object, one hole of some sort, pretty straightforward actually. What makes sex so complicated is the people who try to have it. The last thing you want to do when you start college is wind up in a huge pile of dramatic shit because someone put their ding-a-ling somewhere with someone else and so and so is jealous and ugh just stop it there. Leave that drama behind in high school because life gets hard enough in college without the he-said-she-said rumor mill. If “trash talking” and “rumor spreading” is something that you have to deal with your first year of college then ditch all of your friends and start over, you have enough going on without that too.

8. Food is what is going to drain your bank account

Not quite sure why, but food is the number one thing that drains the bank accounts of college students everywhere, particularly the freshman. If you live on campus usually you pay for a dining hall of some sort and even living off campus food is a necessary part of life. That is not what I am talking about. It is the In n Out trips, late night runs to Denny’s, chips and sweets, Korean BBQ and any other deliciously unnecessary food that you buy that makes your wallet dry as a bone. Eating out is one of the easiest ways to go out and hang with friends, get to know new people, and let loose from school but oh boy can it hurt you financially. Tell your cravings to go screw themselves, and if you have to go out, take advantage of happy hours, coupons, group deals, and the dollar menu!

9. Community college is not the same as a four year

People always bash the community college students for taking the easy way out and going there first. In reality, financially the decision to attend a local JC is sound, especially if you do not know for sure what major you want to pursue. Unfortunately when it comes to new experiences and maturity, sometimes going to a community college can really put you behind those of the peer moving away to a four year. The act of moving to a new place out of your parents house (dorms) and starting over completely is enough to push your old high school friends a little past you on the experience scale, and that is completely okay. There is no right or wrong way to move out and get an education but conversations with friends still at home can get harder because of it. A conversation about weekend plans can be “I’m going to this party here and then the midnight showing of this with all my new friends” on one end to “my mom said I have to stay here because the carpets are getting cleaned” on the other end. Similarly dreams of moving out or having adventures are different. Your friend from home might want to come move to LA but they only work part time and have no real concept of how much that costs, living semi on your own gives you a more realistic perspective. Just keep that in mind when conversing with those other friends, different experiences can change how we can or can’t interact with each other.

10. It is your college experience, not anyone else’s.

Every single person and their mother will have an opinion about what you are doing in college compared to what they did or would do. At the end of the day though, it is your college experience and you have to do it how you want to. You have to take the classes, pull the all nighters, take out the loans, clean the puke off the carpet--you have to be responsible for you and the life you build for yourself. That might take 4 years but it also might take 6, that might mean working part time but it might mean interning instead. Take a deep breath and just relax, you will get through it and as long as you are happy and healthy (and do not under any circumstances sacrifice your health mental or physical for grades) that is all that matters.

Good luck everyone!