Asexuality, or the lack of sexual attraction, is something that's pretty unknown to the general public and even to members of the LGBTQA+ community (the "A" is for asexual by the way, not ally!) So many people don't know what it is and/or are unwilling to do a simple Google search.
Coming out as asexual is usually paired with a lot of questions. Here are some things that people ask Aces yet wouldn't dare ask anyone else. As an asexual who has encountered every single on of these, I'll let you know that none of these questions are okay.
1. "Do you masturbate?"
I've been asked this by everyone and their grandmother within about 24 hours of me coming out to anyone. Every. Single. Person. Except for my parents and siblings which would have been very weird.
If you find the need to ask an Ace this, the first thing you need to do is take a huge step back and reevaluate your entire life. You have no right to ask this of anyone, regardless of sexual/romantic orientation, and it's downright rude. This question isn't seen as okay to ask in today's society, but it seems as if once someone finds out you're asexual, they need to know.
So, let me answer you before the thought even crosses your mind: Like everyone else, some do and some don't, and it has nothing to do with their sexual orientation and in no way invalidates an Ace's asexuality.
If you sense salt in my answer, it's because it's there.
2. "Don't say that! You'll find someone!" or "You just haven't found the right person yet!"
If someone has come out to you, they're usually not asking for your dating advice. Being an Ace does not mean someone has no interest in dating, having a romantic relationship, or even having sex.
I know that last one can be confusing, so let me reiterate: being asexual simply means you are not sexually attracted to any individual and doesn't necessarily mean that you have no interest in having sex.
Asexuality is not a bad thing and these sayings all imply that it is. In the sex-obsessed society that we all live in, many people have issues understanding that it's okay and not unhealthy to simply have no interest.
3. " So you're a plant?"
Hahaha, so funny.
No.
This is usually said with sarcasm and is oftentimes used to invalidate an Ace's orientation. It's real. Look at us, we're here. It's a thing.
4. "Who cares?"
This can have two different meanings depending on the beliefs of the person who is telling you this.
1. They're trying to say it's not that big a deal. They don't care that you're not hetero and are trying to say it's okay to them. Usually, it is meant with good intentions.
2. Said in a purposefully negative fashion, usually by someone who is trying to invalidate the real issues an asexual has in discovering who they are and coming out in society compared to the also very real problems of others in the LGBTQA+ community.
Neither are okay to say. The first is unknowingly mean. The person who is coming out to you cares and it takes a lot to come out to a person. The second is just an awful thing to say to anyone. Our problems are not any more or any less valid than anyone else in the community. We belong.
5. "Have you had sex before?", usually paired with "I can fix that!"
Similar to "Do you masturbate?" and just as unwelcome. Once again, an Ace's sexual history is none of your business and, whether or not, they've had sex doesn't mean they're not an asexual.
The "I can fix that" is even worse. Asexuality is not a disease. It's not a disorder. It's not a problem to be fixed. It's a real sexual orientation experienced by one percent of the population - a pretty significant amount. Don't worry about us, we'll be okay without your dick.
