What My New Self Would Say To The Old Me

What My New Self Would Say To The Old Me

Everything you're going through now has a purpose.
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There comes a time in life when we all change. Sometimes that means growing up, wising up, or just realizing that the way you're living just isn't working. You realize that a change in your life is necessary to move forward, be a better you, or see progress. This change happened to me a couple of weeks ago, and it was the best decision I ever made. So, here's my new self writing a letter to the old me.

Dear old me,

You really think you have things all figured out. You have the right relationship, good friends, and your education/career all planned out. You know what's best, and there's no changing your mind. Well I, the future you, am here to tell you that you're very wrong.

You see, right when we think we have things all figured out is exactly when they come crashing down. You've seen this before, since you and I have had a few of these life changes thrown our way already. We've had to re-evaluate friendships, relationships, and plans for our life. Boyfriends that didn't treat us even close to right, friends that betrayed us, and college dreams that fell through. But we got past all of that, and now you think you have it figured out this time. Wrong again.

You think since you're an adult now, the friends you have will be the friends you always have. WRONG. Sadly, the friends you have as an adult can be just as petty and immature as the ones you had to deal with in high school, especially if they are some of the same ones from high school. They will stab you in the back, betray you, use you, expect you to always be there for them, and then leave you when you need them most. Now, you will always have that select few that stay with you through time, even if you don't talk every day, and those are the ones you cling tight to. But don't worry, you will continue to make friends through every stage of life, some true and some not.

As far as relationships, that can change with the wind nowadays. Society makes it easy to cheat, and even encourages it with the common ideas of side chicks, etc. You will have to deal with liars, cheaters, abusers, and just plain horrible guys before you will find the one. But when you find the guy that loves you with all your flaws, and the one that you can deal with his version of bad, keep him. No guy is perfect, as you've already begun to figure out, so when you find the one that is your kind of perfect, that is the one you fight for.

Now on to life plans. You may have an idea of exactly where you're going to school and what you're going to do in life, but be prepared for that to change 50 times. Money is always an issue, and keeping your grades up to earn scholarships. And then when life happens and you find "the one" you may change again, because going to the dream school across the country doesn't work quite as good as going to the one an hour away. Sacrifices will be made, and you will learn in what department you want to make those. Just remember your education is important, and no matter what life throws your way, you can't let it make you sacrifice getting it. Because when boyfriends leave, friends abandon you, and you feel lost, you have that accomplishment to fall back on, and that will make life a lot easier to handle.

Most importantly, let the past be the past. Don't let that horrible relationship ruin the great one in the future. Don't let that girl that turned her back on you after years of friendship when you needed her most, ruin the friendships you will have in the future with people who actually care. Don't let setbacks in your education or career keep you from reaching the finish line. And don't let anything life throws your way, health, sadness, loss, keep you from moving forward.

I'm sitting here in the future and I can tell you that all these changes are good. The friends lost, the bad relationships, the life changes, they are all meant to happen to lead you toward a much greater plan.

Keep the faith, and don't sweat the small stuff. You're gonna be great one day.

Sincerely,

Your future self

Cover Image Credit: grrlscrap / Flickr

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Plan These 13 Dates For Your Girlfriend This Fall And Thank Me Later

Listen up, guys.

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If you are a boy and you are reading this, plan one of these dates and you'll make your girlfriend the happiest person alive. Yeah, you can thank me later.

1. Go to a pumpkin patch.

This may be super basic but who doesn't want a cute little pumpkin around Halloween time. Usually, you will take a hayride to the pumpkin patch which is always a nice time to spend together. It will also be really cute seeing how excited she gets over finding the perfect little pumpkin.

2. Go on a hayride.

If you go to a pumpkin patch you may have the opportunity to go on a hayride and you definitely should! You will get to see all around the farm and the scenery is usually beautiful in the fall with the leaves changing colors!

3. Go apple picking.

This date will always allow for a cute photo shoot opportunity and everyone will be able to see your Insta post later captioned "the apple of my eye." Also, if you love apples what better place to get them then a local farm where you pick them yourself! Make sure you check your local farm to see when your favorite apples will be ready for harvest!

4. Bake something together.

There are so many amazing recipes for fall, apple pie being one of them. Which will be the perfect thing to bake with your S.O. after apple picking (two dates in one)!

5. Go to a local festival.

No matter where you are from there are probably a ton of local festivals around you throughout the fall. Whether it is a food festival, fall fest, music festival or even a lantern festival all of them are usually a perfect date. You can experience new things together and enjoy the fall weather.

6. Go to a football game.

Whether it is high school, college, or a professional football game any football is good football in the fall. Between a fun tailgate and an exciting game, if you are into sports football is the way to go.

7. Walk or hike around a state park.

No matter where you are from there are always state parks around you! Fall is the perfect time to go on an outdoor because it's not too hot to too cold. The scenery is always beautiful with all of the leaves changing colors. If there is a lake you could always go kayaking or paddle boating!

8. Visit your local farm.

A lot of local farms have fresh veggies, apples, baked goods and of course pumpkins! Also, check and see if your local farm has any fall family days. On those days they usually have a lot of fun activities, animals, hayrides, corn mazes, pumpkins and if you're lucky they'll have amazing apple cider donuts!

9. Stay in for a cozy movie day.

With Freeform starting their 31 days of Halloween this leads to the perfect excuse for a night on the couch. Pick out your favorite Halloween movie, make some popcorn and have some warm apple cider while cuddling up on the couch.

10. Visit a haunted house.

If you are down for something a little scarier then a Halloween movie, check out a haunted house near yours. It could even be a haunted hayride or haunted corn maze.

11. Take her out to breakfast.

Girls are always down for a cute breakfast date. Especially when you can roll out of beds in your sweats and keep them on in the cozy fall weather.

12. Spend a night carving pumpkins.

Once Halloween rolls around you should grab a cheap carving supplies kit, roll up your sleeves, and carve a cute pumpkin together. Whether you write your initials or create a jack-o-lantern it will probably be full of fun memories of pulling out pumpkin guts.

13. Go to a Halloween party.

Take some time and hit up Pinterest for a super cute couples costume and eat all the candy you possibly can!

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You Can Never Go Back To Who You Were Before You Were Cheated On

A slideshow of what they did, what it must have looked like, begins to play on loop behind your eyes.

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Immediately, the thought of it becomes unbearable. It constricts the brain, depriving it of oxygenated happiness until slowly your joyful loving memories begin to blackout in your head. That's when it begins. Like the lights dimming in a theater, once all else fades, a slideshow of what they did, what it must have looked like, begins to play on loop behind your eyes. Every bite of the lower lip, every euphorically strained facial expression, every second of decadent ecstasy.

As other thoughts begin to seep back in and the lights go back up, every scene ignites like gunpowder in the back of your skull. It isn't just sadness anymore, it's pain that burns your mind and radiates through every nerve in your fragile body. The smoke clears and you can think about other things again, but the inferno has left the ashes imprinted on the inside of your eyelids. Every time you close your eyes, you see it all again.

Of course, you didn't actually see any of it. It's all just what your psyche, in the fragile state it's in, imagines it to have been like. You would think that helps, not actually having seen it, but it doesn't. It doesn't give you the certainty of fact, the assurance of exactly how it happened as observed. No, now since you're left to recreate the scenes in your mind, the ash impressions on your eyelids are exaggerated. You assume that every single thing that could have happened to make it worse, did. You fill in spaces unnecessarily, adding dreadful detail that may or may not be correct (though you are convinced it is) everywhere you can.

It's only a matter of time before you start examining and over-examining every single detail of both your relationship and what happened.

Were they willing to do this to you the whole time you were dating? Remember that day early on? When you drove through the October mist, windows down and music blaring as you both screamed the lyrics to your favorite songs through the cool damp night?

That first time you said those dreaded three words once the beat faded and you pulled up to the house just giggling and smiling at each other, then you kissed under the stars? Did that mean anything to them at all? Did they really love you back then? Do they love you now? They keep saying they do.

How could they love you? How could anyone? You're unlovable. You're not good enough, you will never be enough for them. That's why they did what they did. At least, that's what you keep telling yourself. It's what keeps ringing through your ears in the recreated tone of their voice. Even as the months pass or sometimes even years, the words will still reverberate off the prison cell bars of your skull.

You'll only be convinced of it more and more as time passes and you find yourself still single. Your confidence after what happened will be nothing more than the gum stuck to the bottom of their shoe, constantly getting crushed again and again by their full weight. You'll become convinced that nobody will ever love you again, that you have nothing to love, that nobody would ever conceivably want to be in a relationship with you ever again.

And then someone does. They're sweet, they're caring, and most importantly, they make you happy. Things progress just as they normally would, only with one difference. You still bare the scar of being cheated on. You'll find yourself, early on at least, questioning if this new person in your life really means what they say and if you can trust them. You'll start drawing comparisons between their words and actions and that of your former partner. You'll find it hard to trust again. You'll find it hard to love again.

Now, everything I've written so far may not be certain. Of course, this sort of thing varies from person to person and no one account of being cheated on is true to the experiences of everyone that has ever been cheated on. This next part though, this is the only part that I can say with near absolute certainty, will happen eventually for anyone who has gone through having a partner cheat on them:

This new person will prove your fears to be wrong. They will love you, and you will allow yourself to love them. They will be trustworthy, they will be respectful, and the last thing that they would ever want to do is hurt you. Their affection will cleanse the ash marks on the back of your eyelids and mute the hissing voice in your head. In due time, they will make the pain of your last heartbreak disappear, until one day it all just becomes like a distant nightmare to you. One that they have woken you up from.

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