What My New Self Would Say To The Old Me

What My New Self Would Say To The Old Me

Everything you're going through now has a purpose.
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There comes a time in life when we all change. Sometimes that means growing up, wising up, or just realizing that the way you're living just isn't working. You realize that a change in your life is necessary to move forward, be a better you, or see progress. This change happened to me a couple of weeks ago, and it was the best decision I ever made. So, here's my new self writing a letter to the old me.

Dear old me,

You really think you have things all figured out. You have the right relationship, good friends, and your education/career all planned out. You know what's best, and there's no changing your mind. Well I, the future you, am here to tell you that you're very wrong.

You see, right when we think we have things all figured out is exactly when they come crashing down. You've seen this before, since you and I have had a few of these life changes thrown our way already. We've had to re-evaluate friendships, relationships, and plans for our life. Boyfriends that didn't treat us even close to right, friends that betrayed us, and college dreams that fell through. But we got past all of that, and now you think you have it figured out this time. Wrong again.

You think since you're an adult now, the friends you have will be the friends you always have. WRONG. Sadly, the friends you have as an adult can be just as petty and immature as the ones you had to deal with in high school, especially if they are some of the same ones from high school. They will stab you in the back, betray you, use you, expect you to always be there for them, and then leave you when you need them most. Now, you will always have that select few that stay with you through time, even if you don't talk every day, and those are the ones you cling tight to. But don't worry, you will continue to make friends through every stage of life, some true and some not.

As far as relationships, that can change with the wind nowadays. Society makes it easy to cheat, and even encourages it with the common ideas of side chicks, etc. You will have to deal with liars, cheaters, abusers, and just plain horrible guys before you will find the one. But when you find the guy that loves you with all your flaws, and the one that you can deal with his version of bad, keep him. No guy is perfect, as you've already begun to figure out, so when you find the one that is your kind of perfect, that is the one you fight for.

Now on to life plans. You may have an idea of exactly where you're going to school and what you're going to do in life, but be prepared for that to change 50 times. Money is always an issue, and keeping your grades up to earn scholarships. And then when life happens and you find "the one" you may change again, because going to the dream school across the country doesn't work quite as good as going to the one an hour away. Sacrifices will be made, and you will learn in what department you want to make those. Just remember your education is important, and no matter what life throws your way, you can't let it make you sacrifice getting it. Because when boyfriends leave, friends abandon you, and you feel lost, you have that accomplishment to fall back on, and that will make life a lot easier to handle.

Most importantly, let the past be the past. Don't let that horrible relationship ruin the great one in the future. Don't let that girl that turned her back on you after years of friendship when you needed her most, ruin the friendships you will have in the future with people who actually care. Don't let setbacks in your education or career keep you from reaching the finish line. And don't let anything life throws your way, health, sadness, loss, keep you from moving forward.

I'm sitting here in the future and I can tell you that all these changes are good. The friends lost, the bad relationships, the life changes, they are all meant to happen to lead you toward a much greater plan.

Keep the faith, and don't sweat the small stuff. You're gonna be great one day.

Sincerely,

Your future self

Cover Image Credit: grrlscrap / Flickr

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.

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Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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Actual Nice Guys Do Exist, But We Don't Come Easy

We are out there, but there are reasons you can't find us.

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Guys hear it all of the time from their female counterparts, especially good guys: "My guy is rude and we're going to break up," or we hear, "Now that I'm single and have had my heart broken, I'm wondering if there really are nice guys out there." Yeah, well there's something to this and it might surprise you.

First off, the numbers game, because if you have read any of my articles, you know I like to use numbers and statistical data to make my points and arguments. Here is one that will blow your mind: as of 2017, the last time they actually processed the numbers, we had 7.53 billion people on Earth. 7.53 BILLION! That's a real number-look it up! Google it! I promise it is there and let's face it, Google is so advanced now, it finds everything and practically knows everything. Dig a little deeper in this and you will find that 49.5% of the world are females. That means that there are more guys than girls on planet Earth and the numbers game is actually more in your favor than ours.

So, what's the problem? Well, there are a few avenues we can take in asking why. First and foremost, the standards you have set might not be the same kind of standards that are truly in your heart. It's true: girls like bad guys for whatever reason, but c'mon you don't marry the bad guy if you really want it to last. Secondly, you might be settling with that kind of attraction and you're better than that and you probably don't even realize it!

That is a truly scary part because chances are, you're worth way more than that and you just haven't realized your self-worth, at least on the surface. That's not bad though, that's part of life. Finally, it isn't all about you and your faults, nice guys have them too.

We've been burned by girls we've adored, and we've been hurt by them too.

We have experienced toxic relationships just like you have and you're not wanting to see guys like that. Chances are, you've already friend zoned a guy that has always wanted to date you or is really worth your time and you just didn't pay attention.

Timing is everything and if he isn't shy, he hasn't asked you out yet because he either has reservations that he's not the guy you're looking for at the moment or he's got his own stuff going on trying to better himself. These guys love being your friend, but chances are have wanted something better because he's already seen you on the other end of being in the same position he has. It's not that he isn't trying to be assertive, he would be. However, he's thinking "well even though she's my type, I'm clearly not hers" and that's a real thing, ladies.

Nice guys may not be jerks but that doesn't mean they are betas. Some of us like to hunt, fish, go to the beach, drive really fast, ride rollercoasters, shoot guns at a range, or going to the bar to have a couple of beers. There are a lot of alpha males that do mainly things (such as grow a beard and listen to metal music) and still are just genuinely nice.

Here's a huge disconnect in relationships: many women consider a nice man, is a weak man.

That's not true either. You cross a nice man, you'll know it and you'll see a different side of him when he's angry. He'll be temporarily the guy you broke up with before him. The difference is he'll apologize to you and actually mean it. You'll realize he was just mad and that was a temporary thing because in the back of your mind you understand that you finally achieved in getting what you were looking for.

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There are nice guys who fit both of that criteria that will adore you for who you are, spoil you in a way you've probably never experienced before, and love you as much as a boyfriend can that in some ways (not the creepy way) remind you of that care that your father has for you. Because ultimately that's what you want right — a guy you know your dad would like and an ultimately a guy that you'd be proud of introducing him to your dad? You don't want your dad second guessing your choice like when Brian Cranston gets pissed at his daughter for bringing James Franco home in "Why him."

What I'm saying is for whatever the reason you might not realize, you have absolutely been settling. I'm telling you to STOP! Stop settling and showing yourself you don't deserve better because you do. You want that cheesy happily ever after and ending you see in romcoms and Hallmark movies? Realize how valuable you are and what you can bring to a relationship with a nice guy. You're not settling by picking a nice guy if that's truly what you want, you're getting a forever, not a Friday.

Unless there's something special about you, people do tend to not open up too fast and there are reasons for that. If I do, then you're extremely special and when I mean extremely special, I'm talking you're a pearl in a mountain full of empty oyster shells. Sometimes I come off bored or disinterested. That means that I'm playing my hand or I'm debating on whether this is gonna go anywhere — try harder.

Nothing worth having is easy: you gotta fight for it.

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