I didn't grow up going to church. Most of my family did, though, so religion was still a part of my childhood. To be honest, because of my lack of church attendance I felt very uncomfortable when I did go. I felt like I was intruding, that I didn't do what someone who I believed to be religious did in their daily life. I felt like I was sort of a black sheep in the crowd of people. I knew that I had my own personal relationship with the Lord, but I didn't really know what it meant to religious. This, I believe, is the reason I could never sacrifice something for the full six weeks of Lent.

Trust me, it wasn't because I didn't want to. Even though I wasn't raised Catholic, I always felt like I wanted to give something up for Lent. I wanted to make a sacrifice for something greater than myself, but every year without failure I forgot. I planned to give up pop, and then a week later at a restaurant, I would remember only after I was halfway through my Mountain Dew. By that point, I figured that since I had already broken my promise there was no point in continuing. I always pushed it off until the next year, continuing my struggle with understanding my religious beliefs and my disappointment in myself. At long last, I can finally say that this is no longer the case. This year, I successfully gave up ice cream for the entirety of the Lenten season. I believe that this is reflective of my spiritual growth.

I knew when I came to a United Methodist college, I would be able to explore my religious beliefs. I went to the Chapel preview during move in with my roommate, and I'm so glad that I did. After that, I tried to go to each week's Chapel service, and as the weeks went on I finally began to feel comfortable with religion. I saw that I didn't need to be the perfect picture of a Christian and that whether or not I went to church didn't have to reflect on what kind of Christian I was. Sure, I developed a greater desire to go to Chapel each week, but I knew that if for some reason I couldn't it didn't diminish my relationship with the Lord. I now feel that I am finally comfortable saying that I'm a Christian, not because I've started going to service regularly, but because I finally realized that my relationship with the Lord does not depend on how hard I try to be perfect.

My spirituality is still in the developing stages, but I now have a much stronger foundation. I make a conscious effort to be a kind and loving person, but am not so hard on myself when I slip up. I still worry about things and wish I could have control over everything in my life, but when something comes up and I need some extra support, I remember that there's someone very powerful in my corner. If things are meant to work out the way I want them to, He'll be sure to see that it happens. If they're not, He'll be sure to show me why. I have learned a lot about faith, particularly putting my faith in Jesus when going through uncertain times, and it has become a very positive part of my life. This is why I was finally able to commit to my Lenten sacrifice, and it felt great to finally participate in this spiritual practice in its entirety.

Not as good as my first bite of ice cream felt on Easter morning, but you get the point.