I am generally the friend in a conversation who kills the vibe when talking about romance. I’ll be the first one to tell you to dump the boyfriend that’s been less than thrilling to you for the last six months and open a bottle of wine.

But this usually does not sit well with those who already have their Pinterest wedding board full and admire engagement rings on the daily. Don’t think that I am an exception to wanting any of those things one day, I just don’t want them right now.

When most people say they don’t believe in love their reasoning is that they have never experienced it. I on the other hand have. I have experienced in what I thought at the time was true love in a long relationship, and most days I still believe that it was. Before you make the next obvious assumption, no, my parents aren’t divorced. Both my siblings are still with their high school sweethearts, and I have spent enough time around people that really love each other to have a valid reason to believe otherwise. So it’s not daddy issues.

Still, the topic of true love does not make me melt into a little puddle, mainly because I am 21 in a typical college town and I have heard and seen enough to know what really goes on. I’ve heard people say they are just with someone to be with someone, and at this age I can’t really comprehend what that is worth or why you would waste your time tied down to someone you see no future with.

I’m just not a huge fan of the concept that love comes with a five year plan to get married and have children post graduation. When I tell my friends I don’t want to get married or even think about kids for another seven to 10 years they react by saying I will be too old at that point for any of that. My thought is when did it become so absolutely pressing we find love before we even find a real job? I definitely don’t want to spend my life alone. Marriage and children was just never what was put at the finish line for me growing up.

So yes, I believe in love, and that it exists somewhere for some people. And one day I do want to make my Pinterest board come to life and raise dogs with someone and be disgustingly-make-you-want to-unfollow-me-on-Instagram happy. But I don’t believe in it right now. I don’t believe in losing some of my super fun best friends to their boyfriend of the semester or staying in on a Friday night because it is what someone else wants. I just don’t.

My heart isn’t actually black, it’s just in its Kourtney Kardashian post-Scott Disick, Justin Bieber love yourself stage right now. And I think that’s entirely acceptable.