It’s amazing what happens when, for just a second, you let go of your responsibilities and go with the flow. We tend to get so caught up in everyday life that we loose track of where we are. One thing after another pops up and we soon get overwhelmed. It takes everything we have just to keep up and this leaves no time for us to consider where the road we are going down might take us.
The week before spring break was an important turning point in my semester. In January, I knew I was in for a long semester. I had reached a point in my life where I realized that it was time to stop playing around and start getting my life in order. Of course, I wasn’t going to stop enjoying my freshman year of college completely, but instead I needed to balance my time better. I decided to increase my course hours to 16, and accepted a 20-hour a week job. My schedule was that of a 9 to 5 office worker Monday through Friday, plus extraneous things that were required of me every night. Luckily, I love my job and most of my classes. If I wasn’t passionate about what I was doing, there was no way that I would have made it this far.
So far, during this semester I learned more about myself in this period of time then I had in the rest of my life. Going into it, I hoped that everything would fall into place. Of course, it doesn’t work that way. Life is messy. If you ask any of my friends, they’d be more then happy to tell you about what a hot mess I am. But I was surprised to discover that instead of falling behind or getting ahead, I just adapted and kept on keeping on. My GPA so far has been comparable to that of last semester. I have the same level of involvement in both my sorority and pre-law group that I did last semester.
Recently though, I realized where the extra time was coming from. The results were a blow to my sleep schedule, and a lack of proper social life. Each night, I have been lucky to get six hours of sleep. Also, I started to feel lonely and realized how much I have been neglecting my friends. When they go to do something fun, they stop inviting me because they already assume I’m busy. When I stop to talk to them in between classes, they genuinely seem shocked. When you feel lonely, it’s difficult to keep up the high level of ambition and inspiration that had kept you running the last few months. Of course, this isn’t their fault. I’d do the same thing in their situation.
When you sit back and don’t take time to analyze where your life is headed, you start to realize what your subconscious prioritizes from you. I grew up in a family where success was a number one priority. You worked until you got what you wanted. Ambition and determination were the key to a good future. For the psychology nerds out there, I believe that nurture is a much stronger influence then nature.
Spring break was a turning point, not just because I was ready for a break, but I was close to a literal “breaking” point. I usually don’t work well with monotony, and I was sick of going through the motions of my regular weekly schedule. So one day instead of going to recitation, I decided to skip out and take a moment for myself. It was the best decision I had made in a while. Sipping a soy cappuccino, I just gave the last couple months some thought and and realized that I may not have necessarily changed as a person, but rather figured out what type of a person I was.
