I, just like many other people have, grew up with the same dog my entire life. My parents surprised me with her at the completion of my first year of school and that was quite honestly one of the best days of my life thus far, and one of the only days that I can clearly remember from my childhood. My dog was there through my elementary school birthday parties, my middle school drama, my first heartbreak, and everything else in between. She was always there. And though she could never physically say anything, just her presence, love, and commitment to me meant so much more than any human bond could.

The day I left for college, leaving her was the hardest part. Granted, leaving my human family behind was also a significant struggle, but there is something about a dog and human relationship that is just different. I left home well aware of the fact that my dog was getting old, 13 years to be exact. My biggest fear beginning this new chapter of my life wasn’t that I wasn’t going to make friends, I would flunk out, or that I would get too homesick; it was that my dog would pass away and I wouldn’t be able to be there.

Exactly two months after I left for school, i received a phone call from my mother and I instantly knew something was wrong. My dog, Princess, was in bad shape, and her future seemed short and bleak. Luckily, I go to school close enough to home that I made it back in time to spend her final moments with her.

I lost more than just my dog that day.

I lost the feeling of unconditional love. If you really think about it, we have so many different things going on in our lives other than our pets such as friends, jobs, school, etc. Our dogs have us and us only. They spend their whole lives loving, caring, and only being concerned with us. Your happiness makes them happy, and they never ask for anything else in return. That isn’t something that you can find in any other kind of relationship.

I lost my sense of familiarity. While at home, it just doesn’t feel the same. I find myself still leaving the last bit of my sandwich on my plate for her to eat. Whenever I walk past the front door, I continue to glance out the window to see if she needs to be let inside. I am still calling her name when I walk through the doors, awaiting a bark, whine, howl, anything, that will never come again. Home isn’t quite as homey anymore.

Most importantly, I lost my best friend. Dogs are the best listeners, they never criticize or judge you for your choices, and their loyalty is impeccable. I could come home after a bad day and my dog would curl up with me in bed fully aware that something was wrong and do everything in her power to make me feel better. She made me able to better appreciate the little things, take a step back to realize what really matters, and always look for the happiness and joy in the world rather than the bad and evil with just a simple wag of a tail.

I lost a lot when I lost my dog. However, I’m slowly but surely turning my feelings of grief and sadness to those of gratitude and appreciation. The famous Winnie the Pooh quote, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard,” has been one that became my rock. Getting to know these feelings of unconditional love, loyalty, compassion, and everything in between, has been a privilege in itself. Not everyone gets to know these feelings and emotions in their lifetimes. So, instead of spending my days crying and being upset over the fact that my dog is gone (which is perfectly okay to do for as long as you need to), I now spend them reflecting on the good memories and getting to spend the majority of my life thus far with such an incredible best friend.

I lost a lot when I lost my dog, but the things I gained, the memories I made, and the lessons I learned from her are the things I will always hold near and dear to my heart.